


All I Can Do Is Race

by Okami_writez



Category: Stray Kids (Band), Treasure 13
Genre: Also Chaewon is like fourteen, Alternate Universe - Car Racing, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Illegal Activities, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)-centric, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Poor Life Choices, Psychological Trauma, Racer!Felix, Slow Burn, Street Racing, Trauma, other groups mentioned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2019-10-25 07:27:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 27,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17720759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Okami_writez/pseuds/Okami_writez
Summary: To Felix, the adrenaline was his drug and he just couldn’t get enough of it.—Secrets are kept, lies are told. But can they really live for this long?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Oof, I’m not dead

“Oh come on Felix, let me wear it!” Jisung asks excitedly, holding the motorcycle helmet in his hands. He shakes it a little, making the other cringe when there’s an obvious sound that indicates something is totally wrong with it. Felix mentally makes a note to himself to get a new helmet, that is, if he could afford one.

 

“Jisung, please put that down. It’s my only helmet and I’m pretty sure you’ve broken it enough.”

 

“Okay fine,” he grumbles, putting the object back down on the shelf where it’s supposed to be.

 

The two of them find themselves in the garage. It’s a mess honestly. Half of one side is a makeshift dance studio, built with wide mirrors stamped on the wall and a ballet pole stretching from one side to the other. The half though, is something that someone would expect to be a center for mechanic geeks. Tools, tools, car/motorcycle parts, and even more tools. Even if it’s an utter mess, Felix loves it and will never trade it for the world. 

 

They find Felix’s little sister already there, practicing for her recital that’s coming up in a few weeks. She waves them a hello before proceeding to rewinding her music to the beginning and doing the routine over once again. “Don’t be too loud please, I really need to practice for this recital.”

 

Jisung smiles, “Don’t worry Chaewon, we won’t. Also, you have a recital coming up? Felix, why didn’t you tell me dude?!”

 

“Well,” Felix shrugs, “I didn’t think you wanted to come, nor did I think you could even afford a ticket to one of these recitals.”

 

“Wow I see how it is. Rude much? But anyway, I could always borrow money from my parents. How much is one ticket? I’ll definitely go to this one Chaewon, I’ll even bring you a big bouquet of roses.”

 

“Usually, a normal recital costs around fifteen dollars, but since this one will have a few special guests, it’s around forty now.”

 

Jisung looks at Chaewon as if she has two heads, “Forty dollar for an hour show?! Now that’s just stealing! Are you going Felix?”

 

Felix smiles, though no one sees how forced it was. He mutters a small “Of course.” before continuing to sift through the enormous amount of tools he has on his dad’s old work table. Jisung and Chaewon don’t question him, opting to speak for a while before Chaewon has to go back to practice. In the meanwhile, Felix sighs to himself. He doesn’t know how he’s going to afford the ticket when rent is due just two days before. Recently, he’s been deciding whether they should stay in this house and move into a condo of some sort since it’s just the two of them, but then he remembers that that would mean he would have to give up the garage, and he doesn’t think he could take Chaewon’s only practice place away. Not only that, but payments for Chaewon’s dance school is coming  up as well. And their fridge isn’t doing to hot either. 

 

Forty dollars may not be a lot to most people, but it’s practically life or death to him.

 

Felix gets shut out of his own thoughts by Jisung, who pokes his cheek playfully. “I’m gonna head out now, got a lot of homework to do.”

 

“Yeah okay, see you later.”

 

“Laterrrr, but remember about movie night tomorrow! Everyone’s coming!”

 

“Yeah yeah, I know,” Felix says, seeing Jisung out and closing the front door. Once he turns back inside, he jumps when he sees his little sister standing right in front of him. He holds his heart while scolding her for scaring him. Though, the air becomes suddenly tense and uncomfortable.

 

“Felix you don’t have to--”

 

“Chaewon”

 

“ _ No _ Felix, I know what type of financial situation we’re in right now. You don’t have to go, I understand. I mean, you work how many jobs just to keep us by Felix. It’s a recital, there’s always the next one.”

 

“But this one is so important to you, you know I won’t miss it for the world Chaewon.”

 

“I said it’s okay Felix! Don’t come, we need the money anyway.” That last sentence hit Felix like a rock. He didn’t know how to respond, so he didn’t. He watched as she turned and walked down the hall to her room. He even flinched when the door slammed shut with a loud bang. 

“I…. I need to call Jay.”


	2. 107 Pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Car: BMW I8  
> Color: Midnight Black  
> Horse Power: 369  
> Top Speed: 250 km/h (155 mph)  
> Owner: Jay Park

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters will come in parts!!

“Hey, it’s Felix.”

 

_ “Oh? Haven’t heard from you for a while now, still got that talent of yours?” _

 

“Just sign me up Jay.”

 

_ “Alright alright but you know the rules, one race per week. Can’t have my drivers overwork themselves now can we? And the cut, seventy-thirty.” _

 

“What? What ever happened to fifty-fifty?!”

 

_ “Oh Felix, buddy, you left me in the dust remember? It’s punishment for leaving, it’s only fair when you costed me a lot, and I mean a lot of money.” _

 

“Damn it, Jay.”

 

A laugh from the other line.  _ “So, what’s the deal? You gonna take it or leave it?” _

 

Felix physically stiffens. He quickly places a hand on the wall for support before he falls down. The boy hasn’t been in a race in six entire months, but he needs the money. This is the only way. Though, one question still remains floating at the back of his head.

 

**_How many more people do I have to hurt?_ **

 

_ “I don’t have all day Felix, I need an answer.” _

 

“Wait, just let me think… please.”

 

_ “Here, let me tell you this: I’ll sign you up for one this Wednesday, you can show up or not, I’ll have a person to take over if you don’t anyway. This way, it’ll give you some time to think and or practice.” _

 

“When were you ever this nice?” Felix scoffed, leaning his back against the wall.

 

_ “Oh I’m never nice but, with a racer like you, I’ll make an exception. Anyway, think about it. It’s a bet race, so prize money can vary.” _

 

“Okay…”

 

_ “Great, I’ll send you the details later. I have more customers bye.” _

 

“Bye.” Then the line goes dead.

 

Felix knows he’s gonna regret this later, he always regrets his racing days. But if this’ll make the bills, he has no choice but to do just that. He grimaces while sliding down the wall until his butt hits the ground. It only hits him then that this is really happening. 

 

“Wednesday,” a mere whisper to break the string of silence, “I have until Wednesday…. three days.”

 

—

 

Felix makes his way to their usual lunch table, almost immediately slumping his head against the cold wood. Everyone looks at him weirdly, it’s not everyday that their sunshine looks this dead. It doesn’t help the fact that Felix hasn’t said anything to them for the past ten minutes. It’s worrying.

 

“Felix, is everything okay?” Chan of course asks, being the worried father he is. Yet, he gets no response.

 

“Hey Felix.” Hyunjin this time, who’s sitting on his left. He tries to shake the other but to no avail. Weird.

 

They all look at each other before shrugging, then looking at Jisung as if he was the purpose as to why their member is acting like this. Jisung looks mildly offended, placing a hand on his chest and leaning back with an “Why do you always think it’s my fault” look. Not even a few seconds later, Felix suddenly jumps up with fear written all over his face.

 

Changbin speaks up first, “Woah Woah Lix, are you alright?”

 

“Hmm?” He answers, still staring at the table, “ Oh uh, yeah, just fell asleep for a second.”

 

“Sleep? What time did you go to sleep last night?”

 

“Oh I uh, I didn’t.”

 

“What?! What the hell were you doing up? On a school night too!”

 

“Calm down Woojin hyung, I was just up all night doing last minute homework and studying,” he says, trying to calm everyone’s nerves down.

 

_ I can’t tell them. Not now, not ever. _

 

Woojin looks at him suspiciously from the other side of the table. Why? Because he knows Felix has finished all his homework on Saturday, when the two of them decided it was time for a study date. And Felix didn’t slack either, those four painful hours was well spent finishing everything so they could not worry during the movie night the next day. Everyone had left at around nine o’clock, Woojin thought to himself. What the hell was Felix doing then?

 

“If you guys don’t mind, I’m gonna sleep the rest of the lunch. Wake me up before the bell rings please.”

 

“Yeah okay, get some sleep Lix.”

 

The younger gives everyone a soft smile before rapping his arms around his head to take a nap. He drifts off to sleep with the thoughts of last night echoing through his mind.

 

Felix went out that night, not with his motorcycle, but one of his dad’s old cars he used to race with. He had kept it hidden from everyone, even Chaewon. It was stuck behind an alleyway near their house, and has been there every since… the event. Felix swore he would never step foot in that car ever again, but sometimes promises need to be broken for the sake of everyone else.

 

Once Felix was sat in the driver’s seat, gripping the steering wheel, the memories of that day came flooding in. He wanted to cry, sob for hours while being in this car. He didn’t though, not even a single tear. He can’t break character when during the race. Revving the engine, the blonde pulled off the brake and drove to his old spot. It wasn’t that far, maybe thirty minutes out of town. No one knew of this spot, where Felix would spend hours just, driving like his life depended on it.

 

Pulling up from the dirt path, his face twisted into a distasteful expression. He didn’t realize how messy he left it, just a few months back. The blonde sighed to himself before shutting off his car and proceeding to clean this place up. After what felt like hours (two hours had been wasted with cleaning), Felix finally stepped back into the car and drove to the makeshift starting line.

 

The clock finally struck midnight, and with that, he was off. 

 

He had come home at six-thirty the following morning.

 

—

 

It’s Tuesday now, and yet again, Felix did not go to sleep. He wonders if only a few days of practice will get him back into his prime days. He hopes, because he only has nine weeks to get the money, and with the restrictions on races, Felix needs to win this, he needs to win every race. It’s all or nothing, life or death, nothing matters anymore. He just wants his little sister happy. 

 

Like yesterday, he slumps to their table, only this time he uses Changbin as a pillow. With his arm around the other’s waist, chin resting on his shoulder, and head leaning ever so slightly on Changbin’s head, Felix finally gets the sleep he needs. Deep sleep. This gives the others the chance to talk about what exactly is going on with the blonde. He isn’t acting like his hyperactive puppy like nature anymore.

 

“What do you think is happening?” Seungmin questions first, he looks at Felix’s sleeping figure with worry.

 

Jisung shrugs, “I don’t know, he’s been acting strange since the weekend. I visited him Saturday night, but he was acting normal then.”

 

“What did you guys do?”

 

“Well,” thinking back, Jisung tilts his head to the right, “Well, after playing some video games, I asked him if I could wear his helmet, y’know his motorcycle one, he refused. Then we went to garage where Chaewon was practicing. Apparently, she has a recital in a few weeks. It’s pretty important too, forty dollars for a ticket.”

 

Chan looks at him confused, “Recital? Is Felix going? We should go too, to support!”

 

“He said he was but…”

 

“ _ But? _ ” Woojin looked at him sternly. He thinks he knows what’s going on.

 

“Well, he replied really, mediocre, almost like he didn’t know if he could. I don’t know if that gives you guys anything but that’s all I got because after that, I left to do my own homework.”

 

Of course, how could he not notice? Woojin curses at himself for not realizing sooner. He knows what Felix is going through, financially wise that is. He’s the only one that Felix has told, as far as he knows. Woojin promised he wouldn’t tell anyone, just because of the desperation Felix had in his voice when he had told him. It hurt him to see his dongsaeng in such a state of pity. 

 

He also knows something else. Woojin knows exactly what he’s doing, what he’s going to do. And it scares him so much more that Felix is forcing himself into a situation that ruined him before. His face fills with sorrow from that night, the night he had to hold Felix ever so tightly, hug him until his cries fell asleep. 

 

He’s worried, because whatever Felix has gotten himself into, is going to break him even more than it already has. 

 

—

 

It’s Wednesday now, around ten pm. The day of the race and Felix is utterly terrified as he waits until Chaewon is asleep in her room before he makes his escape. A shaky breath slips through his lips as he steps into the garage, helmet in hand. He only hopes that Jay lets him borrow one of his cars, it’s probably going to cost him too. Felix bites his bottom lip, the grip on his helmet only tightening to the point where his knuckles turn an uncommon white.

 

With one last breather, the blonde opens the garage door and pulls his helmet over his head. He grabs the keys hanging near the garage door, the keys to his motorcycle. Hopping on and turn the key to ignition, Felix clicks the bike off the stand and backs out onto the quiet road. His heart is pounding out of his chest, hands shaking in anticipation and fear. Here it goes, no going back now.

 

_ This is for Chaewon, not for you. Don’t turn back to your old stupid self Felix. Never again. _

 

Then he starts driving, to some secluded area of town, where all the factories are. It’s quiet, the streets that is. Up until he sees flashing lights behind an abandoned storage area, the sounds of revving engine engulfing his ears. He turns the corner, parking right behind a very familiar truck. Other cars come in after him but that doesn’t matter right now.

 

Felix finds Jay quickly, dancing disgustingly close to a few girls. This just made the whole situation worse, he wants to gag. Anyway, the racer taps the other’s shoulder, to which Jay turns to him and smirks. “Oh, you actually came. Didn’t think Glitch would be coming back anytime soon after the accident. So how ‘bout it, got a car?”

 

“Just shut up and let me borrow a car Jay.”

 

“You know it’s gonna cost you, hundred.”

 

“Just show where the car is and get this shit over with. I don’t want to hang around here any longer than I need to,” Felix scoffs.

 

Jay laughs and hands him a key he had pulled out of nowhere, “Follow me, I think you’ll like the vehicle I brought just for you.”

 

He leads the blonde to one of the big trucks in the back, swinging the door up to reveal that makes Felix utterly confused. It’s Jay’s BMW I8, he calls it ‘Midnight’ for its sleek black coloration. But what confuses Felix is that, this may be a sports car, but it’s pretty slow compared to other cars Felix has driven. The top speed is one-hundred fifty-five miles per hour, three-hundred and sixty-nine horsepower.

 

“Yeah yeah, I know this isn’t what you’re used to be it much slower than your old race car, but it’s something. Besides, you don’t even have to go top speed to win this one, you’re against an amatuer, only his second race compared to your hundreds. I trust you, but I hope you trust yourself.”

 

Felix ignores his words and just hops in like nothing. Quickly turning on the car and driving it out towards the chalked out starting line. Jay taps on his window a few minutes before the gun, to which Felix grudgingly pulls down. Felix gives him a glare of annoyance. Jay just smiles and laughs as a response, wishing the young one good luck. Though Felix can feel the passive aggressiveness with how he seethed his words through closed teeth. It’s a sign that tells the blonde not to lose, or else.

 

_ I can’t lose. _

 

In no time, everyone is gathered around the lanes. Felix puts on the earpiece that was hanging around the rearview mirror and grips the steering wheel. Deep breathes, taken second by second as a lady with a what looks like a flag stands in between the two vehicles. The two drivers look at each other, though Felix has a black facemask on (which he had one the entire time) with a distinct marking printed on the center: a full smile of pointy teeth, the right side pointing upwards into a smirk. The other driver recognizes it almost immediately and shows Felix’s soft eyes a scared look.

 

The blonde just looks back towards the road, revving his engine ever so slightly. It’s time now. The race is about to start.

 

_ Five.... Four… Three.. Two.. One! _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y’all liked it. Posting randomlyyyyy so like, whenever I finish a part, I’ll post :P
> 
> Please give your opinions in the comments, they really help!


	3. 107 Pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix didn’t expect anyone to find out so soon. Oh and, I guess he has a new housemate to take care of?

It happened so quickly. The revving of engines and the two of them are off. The goal? To get to a certain place in the lowest of times, it’s all or nothing, whoever wins this gets all the bet money. Felix doesn’t know this area of town, if he did, he wouldn’t have needed the earpiece. Jay knows this place well, all too well.

 

Felix’s heart is pounding as he weaves through the unfamiliar streets of korea like a cheetah on the run for a prey. The scenery around him passes like a blur of light and darkness. His eyes are on the road and the road only. Left turn. Then a right. After, a sudden left that leaves black marks on the concrete under him. Felix doesn’t know where he’s going, he just hopes Jay leads him to the finish line before his opponent. His breath becomes uneven, weirdly lining up to the thundering of his engine every time he speeds then abruptly brakes into a turn.

 

_ “Aw shit.” _

 

“What?!” yells Felix, unknowingly.

 

_ “Scream in my ear again and I’ll break you.” _

 

“Now is not the fucking time Jay!”

 

_ “Okay! This kid is pretty good, he’s about a mile ahead of you.” _

 

“How?! I thought you knew this town!”

 

_ “I do! Maybe this kid actually did some research _ ,  _ but that’s besides the point, you need to win this Lee, or no money for this week. _

 

“I know damn it! Just tell me how to beat him already!” Felix feels his clutch on the steering wheel tighten, adrenaline rushing through his veins. His head is probably going to hurt with how much stress it’s building up within it, but there’s no time to think about that. All that’s swimming in his mind is win, win, and win. 

 

_ “It’s a straight away from here on out, this is all on you now” _

 

Felix quickly checks the speed he’s going at; only ninety-five mph. When he looks up again, he sees his opponent just a few meters away from him. The beads of his sweat blind him only slightly, making the situation quite worse to be honest. Then he makes a rapid decision. His foot pushes on the gas with so much power that his body flings back from the sudden speed change. The blonde watches as his speed meter slowly but surely rises to ninety-nine, one hundred and three, one hundred and five and with the speed of one hundred and seven miles per hour, he zooms past the other car and rips the thick, red ribbons that was meant for a finish line. From there, he gradually slows down and makes his way back to where the race started.

 

His body feels heavy against the leather seating, breathe heaving, and eyesight slightly blurry. Felix pulls up right in the middle of crowd and steps right out of the car. From there, the noise of screams engulf his eardrums. It’s over, one less race to go, and one less race to worry about. All he could hear was “Glitch! Glitch! Glitch!”, the nickname that was stamped to his whole career as a street racer. 

 

Jay walks up to him with a smile, giving a high-five along the way, “Nice job  _ Glitch _ , didn’t think that talent of yours would stay. So, how was it? D’you miss the thrills?”

 

The blonde sneered at the other, “I don’t know, but what I do know is that I won, so I need my money.”

 

“Alright alright, I’ll get your money. Go mingle with the others for now, it’ll take a few minutes,” Jay answers, hands up before he walks away.

 

Felix runs a hand through his blonde locks and licks his dry lips under his mask. Jay wasn’t wrong, he missed the thrill of racing and the whole atmosphere around it, but he didn’t miss the consequences. The muscles of his body scream at him for putting so much pressure on them, Felix doesn’t know how he used to do this almost every day. Though, the racer gets ripped out of his thoughts by a certain someone.

 

“You’re Glitch right? The legendary street racer that’s never lost a race!”

 

This kid is cute, Felix thinks to himself. “Yeah? And who wants to know?”

 

The kid, no older than Jeongin, shows his sweet looking face that was hiding under that mask of his. He pulls his hand out for a shake, to which Felix pulls as well. The gleam on the kid’s face makes the blonde reminisce on his old days, yet it worries him at the same time. Yes, Felix was young when he started racing, but he doesn’t think he was this young.

 

_ How bad is you situation for you to resort to this bullshit at such a young age. _

 

“My name is Yedam, Bang Yedam! I’m so happy, I got to race against my idol. Holy shit, that was amazing by the way, I didn’t expect that sudden speed change. You really are better in person than those videos I saw a few months back.”

 

“Wait,” laughs the elder, “exactly how old are you?”

 

“Sixteen Glitch sir!”

 

_ Too young. Too young. Way too fucking young. _

 

“Okay one, never call me sir again alright? And two, why the  _ fuck _ are you street racing?! You’re still young, too young to experience this kind of setting. I suggest you stop now before this type of shit ruins you like it did me. Street racing isn’t for the young.”

 

Yedam looks at him with a surprised expression, “B-but I’m okay! I only do this for fun really. I really only do it for quick cash so it could pay for food and stuff like that .”

 

_ That’s all street racing's for, a quick way to cash.  _

 

“If you need cash, get a job kid. This scenario isn’t good for you. Stay away from street racing okay? You have a life ahead of you, I’m sure there’s better things than this.”

 

“Yeah I… I know but, it’s hard. That car over there… I kind of live, in it-”

 

“Then stay with me.” Felix doesn’t know why he said that, but he’s not regretting after it left his lips.

 

“W-what?”

 

Felix laughs at his expression, pinching his cheeks. “I said— No, I offered you to stay with me, in my house, if you don’t mind my sister that is. I know what you’re feeling right now, believe me I’ve been there. You just need a little help so, just accept because I’m not taking no for an answer.”

 

Yedam smiles so sincerely and hugs the elder, tears brimming at his eyes. It makes Felix’s heart warm, another one, saved from the horrors of street racing. The younger chants “Thank you” like some prayer into his hoodie. It’s cute honestly, Felix thinks he’ll have a nice time fitting in with them. Yedam pulls away as they both hear Jay coming back. They look at the eldest, who has a clunk of cash straight in his hand.

 

“Here,” says Jay, waving the money in his hand, “Is your twenty-one hundred, all in hundreds.”

 

The blonde quickly snatches the cash and counts it, not really trusting the blue-haired fella in front of him. Once he redeems it the right amount, the two make a silent agreement for the next race and then departure. As Yedam and Felix walk over to where his car and motorcycle is sat, a question suddenly pops in his mind.

 

“Wait, you’re not even old enough to drive! What the actual fuck Yedam?!”

 

“Oh haha,” he awkwardly scratches the back of his head, “About that, I kind of just, learned by myself. I don’t really have a driver’s license so…”

 

“No driving for you until you get an actual driver’s license dumbass.” Felix playfully flicks the other’s head with his finger.

 

As the two of them laugh together, another figure approaches them, clad in all black. The man coughs, gaining the attention of the other two. Felix looks at him weirdly, pulling Yedam behind him. Who is this guy? Felix doesn’t know. Maybe because he’s wearing a mask as well.  _ God damn it, why is everyone wearing a fucking mask?!  _ The blonde silently puts that thought away, giving all his attention to this stranger.

 

Though, is it really a stranger?

 

The figure pulls of his mask to reveal an all too familiar face to Felix. He’s in utter shock that his mouth hangs open slightly. The muscles tightening all over his body. Yedam looks around the elder, switching his gaze with the stranger and Glitch. “W-Woojin hyung?” Felix manages to squeak out.

 

Woojin glared at his beloved dongsaeng before speaking through closed teeth, “What the  _ fuck  _ are you doing racing again Lee Felix?!”

 

_ Damn it. _

 

—

 

“I can’t believe you would do this Felix!”

 

Woojin wanted to throw the plate in his hand at the racer, but he didn’t, that wouldn’t be a good first impression for Yedam. He calmly placed the plate full of food in front of the blonde, another in front of their youngest. “Eat,” he mutters, resting his back against the counter behind him.

 

The silence slicing through the room is tense, enough to make the two youngest shift in their seat as they eat. The clanging of metal to porcelain is the only thing that resonates through the walls. Woojin waits patiently for them to finish, eyes trained on a pattern on the wall. He still can’t believe, the utter shock when he had saw Felix drive away as that anonymous lady waved that deep red flag around. The elder was annoyed, angry too. Why didn’t Felix tell him?

 

“Y’know,” whispered the eldest of the three, “You could’ve told me Felix. I would have helped you out.”

 

A moment a silence. Then the placement of a eating utensil. Felix clears his throat, obviously nervous and comfortable. Before he speaks though, he motions Yedam to go sleep in his room, guiding him with his hands. Once back near the kitchen, the tears start to fall. Drop by drop, it comes out pouring.

 

“Oh Felix,” Woojin quickly rounds the island and pulls the sobbing boy into his arms. It feels like that night again, that horrible night that haunts not only Felix, but Woojin as well. Never does he want to see his dongsaeng break down.

 

The blonde speaks through choked sobs, “It hurts hyung. I don’t know what to do, but I don’t want any pity. Y’know how I am, what I believe in. I had to do what I had to do. I didn’t have choice. I can’t get a job because of my criminal record, no one will hire me. I had to hyung, I  _ have _ to. Racing is the only thing that’ll pay the bills now.”

 

“Felix, you know you have other people supporting you. We could help you out, find a job and everything! Felix please, stop racing while you can, it’s not healthy for you. I don’t want to see you like how you were on your last race six months ago.”

 

The grip on Woojin’s sweater suddenly tightens, Felix burying his head further into his hyung’s neck. “No hyung, I have to do this for myself and Chaewon, and now Yedam. I did this to us, and I’m going to fix this by myself. I’m not changing my mind, not when I hurt so many people.”

 

Seconds, of utter silence. Then a sigh.

 

“Okay, but on  _ one condition _ …”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!! <3


	4. 137 Pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yedam and Chaewon meet over breakfast. A little hint to the sad lives of Changlix. Oh, and Yedam now has to go to school lol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is disappointing :(

Felix was surprised how well this morning had went. Really, it went smoother than he would have expected. He woke up this morning on the couch, wondering why he was sleeping there when there is a perfectly good bed to use in his room. That’s when everything from last night flooded back into his head. The blonde shook off those thoughts and got up to get ready for school. Maybe next time Jay will give him a weekend job so he doesn’t have to get up so damn early.

 

“Motherfucker…” He whispered, combing a hand through the bleached hair.

 

He sluggishly shuffled into his room and shook the sleeping boy that was occupying his bed. When that didn’t work, Felix decided on a new approach. An airhorn. He had always kept one in his drawer for some apparent reason. Chaewon has definitely used it on him all too many times. Anyway, he grabbed the red bottle, holding a hand to his ear. And with the press of a button, Yedam is jumping right up while holding his heart. Ah, that’s what Felix likes to see. 

 

That reaction made the elder fall from laughter, holding his stomach in pain. “H-holy shit! That was- AHAHAHAHA!”

 

“Hyung!” Yedam whined, crossing his arms into a pout.

 

“S-sorry Dam, I had to wake you up somehow.”

 

“Oh really?” the younger rolled his eyes, “With a fucking airhorn?! And it’s only six forty, why did you wake me up hyung?!”

 

“Do you not have school?”

 

Oh wait.

 

“Um, not really? I don’t have a guardian anymore because I ran away from my orphanage so…”

 

The atmosphere suddenly turned serious. Felix looked at him in a confused expression, making the other look away in guilt. A warm pair of arms swiftly engulfed Yedam. He flinched away from the touch at first, but ultimately melting into the warmth that he had been wanting all his life. Felix rubbed soothing circles on the other’s back, letting the younger pull him closer. “It’s okay Yedam, you don’t have to tell me now, but there will be a time where I’m gonna have to know things.”

 

“I know.” Felix could barely hear it.

 

“Now lighten up,” Felix said, pulling away and ruffling Yedam’s hair, “let’s get some breakfast. I’ll sign you up for school today.”

 

A smile broke onto the younger’s face, which made Felix smile as well. The two walked out of Felix’s room and into the kitchen. The smell of readily made bacon and eggs filled their nostrils with delight. Chaewon was at the stove, cooking away. Two plates full of food ready to eat set at the island where the high chairs sit. The boys quietly take their seat, too afraid to even touch the food.

 

“Good morning!” Chaewon says excitedly, turning around with her own plate of food. She quickly turns off the stove before running around the island to sit next to her brother.

 

“Um Chae…?”

 

“Yes?... Oh! I saw that guy in your bed when I was going to wake you up, I thought he was some intruder until I found you on the couch. I figured you brought him here since you don’t usually like people sleeping in your bed unless it’s me or Changbin oppa which by the way, you should tell him your feelings before someone else snatches him away from you.”

 

A deep shade of red gradually appears over Felix’s freckles. “Chaewon! We do not speak of my love life in front of Yedam please!”

 

“Oh so he’s named Yedam! Hi, I’m Lee Chaewon, Felix’s younger sister.”

 

“H-hello,” Yedam squeaks. 

 

“Yedam, don’t listen to her. Just go and eat your breakfast.” Felix then turns to his sister. “And you, will stop talking about my failed love life alright. Changbin and I will never become a ‘thing’, even if I do like him…. A lot… he probably only sees me as a best friend because that’s all we are and that’s where we’re gonna stay.”

 

“You never know until you try.”

 

“Yeah whatever, now hurry up. We’re gonna be late and I still have to sign Yedam up for school.”

  
  
  


After dropping Chaewon at her middle school, Felix makes a u-turn towards his own school with Yedam now sitting in the passenger’s seat. No words are spoken between the two, just the sound of songs from the radio. It feels nice like this. Having no worries or responsibilities. Felix wished life was always like this, peaceful. Although, every ride must come to an end as he parks into the student parking lot. Sometimes he doesn’t ever want to face the world anymore. 

 

He leads Yedam to the office, where he lies about being his guardian. They believe it, maybe because they know he’s the legal guardian of Chaewon. Felix makes a self note to make that lie a truth later on.

 

Anyway, they quickly sign Yedam up for the school, though it will take time for him to get the right classes. So, Felix says “his sweet little dongsaeng” can’t stay at home as there is no adult at home. In the end, the office workers give Yedam a ‘Shadowing Badge’, which allows him to stay with Felix all throughout the day. With smiles, they finally walk out of that hell hole after a good forty minutes of lies, arguing, and even more lies.

 

Yedam is surprised how good a liar his new hyung is.

 

The two quietly made their way through the almost empty corridors. It was currently only seven-forty, a whole twenty minutes before the eight am classes start. Felix stops in front of the many red lockers around them, opening it with a combination and grabbing his math and history book. He always had the hard classes first, which annoyed the blonde, but it’s whatever. With two fingers, Yedam is motioned to follow, straight into an almost empty class. Only about five others were sat in their seat. 

 

Felix pulled up an extra desk and chair from the storage room and placed it behind his desk in the left back corner. “Sorry it’s a little dusty, haven’t had a new student in this class, let alone this entire grade. Don’t worry, I think you’re supposed to be a second year, so you won’t see any of these people in your classes.”

 

“You say that as if I’m scared hyung.”

 

Felix laughs, all while taking his seat, “Oh I don’t know, are you?”

 

When Yedam all but sits and looks away, Felix can’t help but laugh with his entire head yanked back. The increasing blush on the younger’s face was no help either, it only fueled the laughter. This caught the attention of everyone else who was in the class. Weird glances were casted towards the both of them, or more so Yedam actually.

 

“Hyung please stop, people are staring at us now.”

 

“S-Sorry Dam, that was just too funny to pass up,” Felix swiped a fake tear from his eyes, giving a sympathetic look towards the other before quickly taking out a few papers from his backpack and scribbling nonsense onto them. Math homework had not been done the other night for obvious reasons. The bell rings just minutes later. Students begin to flood all the classrooms with despair. No one wants to be there, but it’s a must or else their parents would commit a murder. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is just build up, sorry guys. It's really disappointing.


	5. 137 Pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With new races, comes new introductions. Oh, and braces!

“Hyung, are you sure this is okay?”

 

“Of course! My friends don’t bite Yedam, you’ll be fine.”

 

Yedam shook with the food tray in his hands, still unsure if he would be invading too much. Felix has done so much for him already, yet they only met last night. He’s kind of glad for that, he hasn’t been treated like this in so long. It’s comforting to know that he now has a family to look after him.

 

“Holy shit you’re actually shaking? Oh Yedam, don’t be so nervous.”

 

“I’m trying okay!”

 

“Great!” Felix gives him an innocent grin before grabbing his hand and practically pulling him to their table. 

 

The blonde sits him down next to him, right in front of Jeongin. Jeongin is their youngest, a second year, who Felix hopes will befriend their newest member. He just wants Yedam to feel at home, because this will be the home he will only know for now on. He sticks a spoon full of rice, totally ignoring everyone’s confused glances. Okay, he may have forgotten they haven’t met the younger, all except Woojin. So, when he looks up from his food, the question he get bombarded with overwhelms him.

 

Woojin is just laughing at him from the other side of the table. What a betrayal. 

 

“So Yedamie, how was your first day?” Woojin asks him, a full smirk on his face.

 

“Oh Woojinie hyung, I didn’t see you there! Well, it’s been alright but I don’t have my schedule yet so I've just been following Felix the entire day. I don’t get anything that’s happening in those classes at all.  To be honest, I slept through most of the classes.”

 

“Oh?” the elder makes a face that Yedam nor Felix could understand, “At least you got the gist of what happens in the school.”

 

“Yup!”

 

“Anyway,” Woojin turns to Felix, “are you gonna come over today? I have a few models that I’m sure you’ll like.”

 

Felix nods, understanding the situation. The deal they made last night. It somewhere along the lines of “ _ You race with my cars, and my cars only. I don’t trust Jay after what happened. Let me be your mechanic And then I’ll let you race. _ ” He had no choice but to agree, or else Woojin would’ve told the others and Chaewon. He can’t have that, it’ll ruin everything. It felt more like a threat rather a deal, but if this is how Felix has to race, then he’ll do it. Oh, and he absolutely has no racers, so that’s a plus.

 

“Oh this is Yedam guys! He’s living with Chaewon and I now, and I signed him up for school this morning. Be nice to him or I’ll beat the living shit out of you okay?”

 

They all greated Yedam with happy smiles and lud yells. Maybe he could get used to this.

 

Chan pauses for a second, “Wait, you know who Woojin hyung is, how do you know each other?”

 

“I met him last night Channie, when I went to Felix’s house. Don’t worry about him, he’s a sweetie pie.”

 

“You went to Felix house last night? For what? What were you two doing? Do you have to tell me something? And you just told Felix to come over today! Are you breaking up with me? Wow, you’re really going to chose Felix over me? Wait no, you’re gonna choose Yedam over me huh?! You always go for the younger ones-”

 

“Channie shut up, it’s not like that. Stop being jealous,” the elder huffed, crossing his arms and facing away from the other. Anyway, while WooChan works out their differences, Felix introduces Yedam to everyone individually. Pointing at each person, he gives a little insight on them.

 

“That’s Chan, or Chris, whatever you want to call him. He’s a senior like Woojin hyung. They’re dating by the way, if you didn’t notice yet. That’s Minho hyung and next to him is Jisung. Minho is a senior too, but Jisung is a junior like me. Also dating, they’re the gross lovey-dovey couple everyone hates to watch. That’s Changbin hyung on your left, a senior. He says he loves dark and shit, but we all know he’s super cute and soft.”

 

“Hey! I heard that Felix!”

 

“I don’t care! Moving on, next to him is Hyunjin, and the one in front of him is his boyfriend, Seungmin. And before you ask, yes, this group is full of gays, I’m so sorry if you’re hetero Yedam, we accept you. Oh and lastly, this is Jeonginnie, our youngest- or well, our used to be youngest because now you are. He’s older than you, a sophmore. Very cute and adorable, just got his braces out so now he thinks he some manly man.”

 

“Hi! I hope we get along! Oh and Felix hyung, can I come with you to Woojin’s house? I forgot something there on the last movie night.”

 

The elder nods, continuing to chow down on his food. He only hopes that Yedam feels comfortable around them, though with the way he looks at Jeongin, he’s sure he’ll get along just fine. A low chuckle escaped his lips when he finds the youngest with a fresh shade of pink on his cheeks. It brings him back to his days with Changbin. The elder doesn’t know about his crush on him, but Felix wishes he could just tell him. It’s not that easy though. They used to go on ride together, just the two of them. Felix would steal his dad’s car and drive up to Changbin’s house just because they were bored. They spent hours on the road, just sitting there and listening to music. Felix wishes it could go back to those days, then again, how he was then makes him sick to his stomach just remembering all the wrong things he had done. 

 

_ Stop thinking about him Felix, you need to focus on your races. _

 

Ironically, his phone lights up with the name “Jay Park” blinking on the screen. Felix excuses himself from the table, saying something about going to the bathroom. Once he’s out in a totally empty hallway, it’s then that he picks up the call.

 

“Hello?”

 

_ “Took you long enough.” _

 

“Look, I’m still at school. You can’t say shit when I told you my schedule.”

 

_ “Fine whatever. You know why I’m calling right?” _

 

“Do you think I’m stupid? Of course I do.”

 

_ “I beg to differ, but that’s besides the point right now. There’s a race in Busan going for ten-k, it’s next Saturday. You in?” _

 

“Always, but I’ve heard Busan races are dangerous. I don’t want to get killed Jay, not now at least.”

 

_ “Oh don’t worry, I’ll get you someone that knows the roads well. Do you remember anyone by the name of ‘Guk’? If you do, then you know how well he works with others. I’m gonna have to get a hundred from your cut though. It’s only fair when I’m doing so much for you.” _

 

“I have money left over, don’t take it out of my cut.”

 

_ “If you say so, just give me hundred before the race, then you can meet him.” _

 

“I swear Jay, don’t fuck me over this time. I almost lost last night, and I don’t intend to cut it close on any other race. Oh, and I don’t need your cars anymore, I got a little sponsorship.”

 

_ “Oh? Glitch-y gonna grow up now? You make me laugh. Anyway, I have a few more clients to talk to, see you next Saturday then.” _

 

“Okay,” then he hangs up. Felix sighs to himself, looking through his own eyes in the mirror. He quickly washes his face with ice cold water before leaving the bathroom, face dry and angered.

 

As he walks away, he doesn’t notice the person hiding between locker junctures. Jeongin doesn’t know what he heard, but he doesn’t like it one bit. Felix races? Like, street races? Isn’t that illegal? Jeongin doesn’t know how to react, it’s too much of a surprise.

 

“Why does Felix hyung need to race?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just finished auditions a few hours ago and I'm still nervous. I hope we get in >.<


	6. 137 Pt.3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things happen, many things.

“Thanks for driving me hyung!” Jeongin says in the passenger.

 

Like they had discussed during lunch, Felix was to meet with Woojin. This time though, the blonde had to bring along Jeongin and Yedam (who was sitting in the back seat). Along the way, Felix decided to pick up some coffee at a local coffee shop that Hyunjin and Seungmin work at, those two even had work today, right after school. With steaming coffees and an Iced Mocha for Woojin, he’s not fond of hot coffee, they make their way to Woojin’s neighborhood up in the mountains. 

 

Felix makes a left turn onto a dirt path, which turns out to be more windy than he had expected. Not to mention that there isn’t any railings, so any wrong move, the car can flop down the mountain like a phone falling from someone’s fingertips. Bad, it’s just going to be bad if that really happens. With that information, the elder rides considerably slow, grip tightening with every twist and turn.

 

It takes them around twenty minutes to just get up to the entrance of Woojin’s gated house. It immediately opens upon their arrival, their Woojin hyung seated on one of the steps to the front door. Felix parks over to the left, next to the open garden. “We got you a coffee hyung,” he says first, stepping out of the driver’s seat of his father’s old car with two cups in his hand.

Woojin smiles as he gets up to grab the cup, “Thank you Felix, glad you remember my preferences, unlike someone my age.”

 

“Chan hyung really forgets? With the amount of coffee he consumes, I assume he at least remembers what you like.”

 

“Unfortunately no, he never gets what I usually like. Always an iced Americano.”

 

“He drinks so much coffee, maybe you should restrict him,” provides their second youngest. Yedam walks besides him, quietly sipping on his own warm bean juice.

 

“I should really, it’s becoming a problem. But that’s besides the point, Jeongin, you said you forgot something here? Do you remember where you put it? The last movie night here, I don’t remember anything being left.”

 

The younger laughs, “That’s because I left it in the bathroom, not the living room. Let me go get it and then I can leave or something.”

 

Before Woojin could answer, Jeongin is already off through the wide halls, knowing the place very well. So, he turns to the others, eyes straying to Yedam, who looks around with awe. He laughs, it’s quite funny to see people’s reactions once they step into his home. Well really, it’s his father’s home. He had bought it for Woojin when the eldest begged for him to study in Seoul, saying the school he wants to go to sits there. In actuality, he just wanted to move there because Chan was studying there. Perks of having a dad that owns a multimillion car brand.

 

“Yedamie, are you okay there?” The elder asks, leading them over to the living room and away from the kitchen.

 

“Um,” he sutters, “yeah.. I just-- I just never seen a house so big. It’s the first time I ever been on a mountain house. Excited is all.”

 

_ Pure. So pure. _

 

Felix smiles at him, remembering the time he first came here too. He had the exact same reaction. It’s funny honestly, how much he seems himself in Yedam. Though, those thoughts are quickly shaken away. Felix turns to his hyung with a serious face. Woojin nods, knowing exactly what he means. “What are we gonna do with Jeongin? We can’t expose him to this lifestyle, it’ll taint him and I know how you and Chan hyung get when people mess with Jeongin’s innocence.”

 

“I know something,” Woojin smirks, turning to Yedam.

 

Yedam stares at him confusingly, cocking his head to the side. “Why are you looking at-- No! I will not do what you want me to do. I’m sorry but this is the type of situations I purposely avoid.”

 

“Oh come on Yedam! We need  _ someone _ to distract Jeongin while I show Felix the garage. Please! I’ll do anything you want!”

 

“Anything?”

 

“Hold on wait!” Felix butts in, “you don’t need to get him anything hyung, because you’re already getting him something by doing this.”

 

Confused glances.

 

“Oh don’t act like I didn’t see you totally gawking at Jeongin during lunch. You should’ve seen him Woojin hyung, he was looking at him like he meant the world to him. Maybe it’s meant to be! Love at first sight are always the cute couples.”

 

By then, Yedam is beet red and Woojin is laughing his ass-off due to that. Felix giggles as well, all while being bombarded whines from a certain embarrassed dongsaeng. It only takes a few minutes from the two of them to convince their youngest into taking Jeongin somewhere in Seoul. Woojin had suggested a carnival near Minho’s house, just to give the two of them a little push. He exchanges the address, and Felix offers him the keys to his car, all with a smug looking face.

 

“I found it guys!” Jeongin says running back with a stuffed bunny in his hand. “Turns out I left it in the second guest room, not the bathroom.”

 

_ Chaewon’s bunny… _

 

“Where did you get that?” Felix whispers, eyes looking straight at the ground.

 

“This? Oh! Chaewon gave it to me when I went to your place to hang out. Don’t you remember hyung? We were watching a scary movie and um… I- I started shaking out of fear haha.”

 

 _Oh yeah… I remember now. The times where we okay._ _God damn it Felix, stop!_

 

The blonde suddenly rises from his chair and storms out of the room. Jeongin mutters a “ _ Did I say something?... _ ” only to be dragged to the door and into Felix’s car by their youngest. He laughs it off, trying to ease the other’s worry. In seconds, the two of them are on the road again.

 

Woojin finds Felix sitting in his room, right in the center of the bed with crossed legs. His head are in his hands, blonde floof shaking with his body. It’s saddening really, seeing the used to be full of sunshine Felix in utter tears with a mere stuffed animal. But Woojin understands, he really does. He’s seen the younger like this many times over the past, much of it after races.

 

“That bunny… that fucking rabbit… Of course she would give that away. It reminds her of mom and dad too much. I know it. Seeing that thing makes me remember everything that happened on that night. God fuck Woojin, why am I such a fuck up?”

 

Woojin shakes his head, “You aren’t a fuck up Felix, you never were. You were just misunderstood. Come on now, don’t cry, we don’t have time for that. You said it yourself before, crying doesn’t matter anymore if it means it’s hurting. Come on buddy, let’s head to the Garage okay?”

 

_ He’s right but damn, that fucking hurt. Seeing that thing, that reminder… It just hurt.  _

 

Felix nods, wiping his tear stained cheeks until they burned with red. The two make their way back to the front of the house, where two motorbikes sit, ready for them to ride. It’s a much faster way than on four wheels, gives Felix more time to look around and see what he likes. They ride off deeper into the forest, Woojin leading the way. It took them around fifteen minutes to get to the large grey building sitting at the base of the other side of the mountain. 

 

“What do you think?” Woojin laughs, pushing a button on his bike which opens the wide sliding doors.

 

Felix’s jaw drops as all cars are revealed. He practically runs into the said building, swiping his hands on the shiny cars. It’s like a heaven to him. Cars on cars, stretched out for at least two miles down. There’s even a second floor garage, built with a huge elevator so the vehicles could fit. Before the blond could touch anymore cars, Woojin grabs his shoulder and leads him to a car in the back. Old, but still workable. Even if, it makes Felix’s mouth water.

 

The elder laughs at his expression, “Well, I was thinking you would use this on your next few races. It’s old, but it gets the work done.”

 

“I… It would be a  _ dream  _ to drive this monster. I’ve never seen one in real life, let alone this color! How the hell did you get this?”

 

“It used to be my grandfather’s. When he died, he gave it to me, knowing how much I like cars and all. It took work, but I finally have it up to par with modern cars. Oh, and it’s a custom paint job, I like my cars how I like them.”

 

Felix was about to speak, only to be interrupted by a surprising figure just behind them, or more like two figures. “Hyung, what the hell is this place?”

 

“Jeongin?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was supposed to post on Wednesday but I couldn't finish the chapter in time due to school work and after school things. Sorry y'all


	7. 137 Pt.4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Car: SRT Hellcat Charger  
> Color: Dark blue w/ black stripes down the middle  
> Horsepower: 717  
> Speed: 327 km/h (203 mph)  
> Owner: Woojin Kim

Felix sighs as he plays with fuzzy cubes that once hung on the rear view mirror of one of Woojin’s cars. Next to him is the said hyung, leaning against the car with arms crossed and brows tightly squeezed together in frustration. Across from those two were the youngest, both leaning their backs against another car that of course belonged to their eldest member. It was utter silence for at least five minutes. Felix had just finished his story, Yedam’s, Woojin’s. Or well, mostly. He knew he couldn’t tell Jeongin of what happened years ago, it was too personal, too sacred even, to talk about with people other than Woojin.

 

Jeongin stares at the ground as words slip through his slightly chapped lips, “Are you ever going to tell Chaewon hyung? Or are you just going to keep her in the dark?”

 

“Are you crazy? Of course Chaewon doesn’t know! And she doesn’t need to. Look, she’s gonna kill me if she finds out, hell, she doesn’t even fucking know I have a criminal record. I can’t tell her… and neither can any of you. To no one, no one else can find out, please.”

 

Yedam watches as the great racer, _Glitch_ , pleads with his eyes to someone younger than him. It’s hard to see your idol in such a state, such a destroyed and desperate state. To think that his life was all sunshine and butterflies that just race. Naive really. Seconds later, Jeongin nods his head, giving the blonde a big hug, to which he probably really needed right now. Though, things to be discussed.

 

“Felix,” Woojin starts, eyes not even darting to the other’s, “you know we won’t tell anyone, but if more people find out and get roped into this whole ordeal, just know we can’t control shit like that. Don’t get mad, even if Chaewon gets caught too.”

 

“I know, I’m just worried is all. Chaewon looks up to me, and as her older brother and guardian, I need to be the best I can be, for her. So she doesn’t live a life like mine. Ugh, I’m tired of talking about this, can we change the subject please?”

 

_My heart aches too much to continue. Damn it Felix, stop being so soft._

 

“When’s your next race hyung?” Jeongin is already back to where he was, next to Yedam. The elder answers him simply, his hometown of Busan. With that, his eyes light up like fireflies in the night. “Really?! Can I go? Please Felix hyung, Woojin hyung!”

 

“What? No, you can’t. It’s too dangerous.”

 

“That’s no fair!” He pouts and points at Yedam, “How come Yedam gets to go and I can’t?! I’m older than him! And besides, I can help you. Busan is my hometown, I know the roads better than anyone else. Plus I’m free, both in my schedule and payment.”

 

Felix looks at Woojin for reasurrence but only gets a shrug and a “ _He has a point_ ” look. A groans escapes through his closed teeth. First, he looks into the side compartment of the car, then to Jeongin, compartment, Jeongin, compartment, and lastly to Jeongin.  With a sigh, he willingly agrees with his offerings. Hey, if it means spending less money, Felix guesses it won’t be so bad.

  
  


“Nervous?” Yedam asks on a Friday. He didn’t find Felix at their table that day, so he brought it to himself to find the blonde. It took him a while, a whole ten minutes wasted roaming around the school, only to find him on the roof. No one is allowed up there but the janitors almost always forget to lock the steel doors.

 

“Um yeah, kind of,” replies the other. He has his arms on the cement railing, just watching over the closed campus. A cool breeze brushes through his hair peacefully. Felix used to think races, or more so racing felt like this. A simple breeze that gave peace to his little beating heart. “Just, never had a race in Busan before. It’s surprising, I know, the greatest anonymous racer of the century has never had a race at Busan, _ever_. It’s weird honestly, I even remember competing in a race all the way in Jeju.”

 

“I’m sure you’ll do fine hyung, you always do.”

 

“Yeah… not always Yedam.”

 

**_Not always._ **

 

Yedam brushes that off, knowing not to pry. Of course he knows what happened, though not from the elder, but from rumors after the incident. At first he didn’t believe them, but when the news came out with the story, it became all too real. All the news channels had put everyone involved up anonymously, but all the street racers knew. What happened that night left everyone who knew speechless. No one dared to race for at least three weeks after.

 

“I… I’m sorry about your… y’know.”

 

Felix chuckled, though there was clear pain in his eyes, “It’s fine. I’ve grown to accept what had happened and what I had done. I deserve it honestly, with how badly I was acting towards them, towards everyone.”

 

 _I deserve this, everything. I deserve all this pain for what I did to_ them.

 

“But hey, you cleaned up your act didn’t you?”

 

“Yeah, I did. Just hope that Little Felix doesn’t come back. Ever.”

  
  


Felix expected a quiet and calm ride down to Busan the next day. He and the others had decided on leaving a bit early so Jeongin can have fun (mostly because he begged them to). So, the blonde was awake at seven am, ready and bright. Yedam was too, though still tired due to the fact that he and Jeongin had talked until two a.m over text.

 

“Where’s Chaewon hyung?” Yedam sleepily asks, slinging his duffle bag strap over his shoulder.

 

“She’s at dance camp, happens every six weeks or so. Luckily for us, that means she won’t be back until Sunday night. I don’t want her worrying about us anyway, she needs to focus on her schooling and dance.”

 

Suddenly, there was a honk sounding through the house. They looks at each other before grabbing all their things and heading outside. To their surprise, Woojin was driving a _van_ rather than his convertible that he promised he would bring. With closer inspection, not only was Woojin and Jeongin in the car, but Chan and Jisung as well. Woojin pointed at the trailer behind them, telling the two to put their things in it.

 

_I really hope he had a good excuse to use this thing._

 

“So uh, why’d you bring the trailer again?” Chan asks from the passenger seat in the front, a “ _don’t you dare lie to me_ ” type of expression smeared across his face.

 

“I just didn’t want to cruise the mountains in a fucking van Chris. You’re mother’s care can barely handle a slope for god’s sake!”

 

_That’s a good excuse. He really thought this through._

 

Chan rolled his eyes, “Whatever, just start driving. Let’s get breakfast at the hotel.”

 

“I swear, you’re so dramatic sometimes,” Woojin grumbles but puts the van into drive anyway.

  
  


Woojin finds Felix, Jeongin, and Yedam hiding behind the trailer that had the car in it around eleven pm. The race started right at midnight, and they need to get there at least half an hour early to set up. The elder had the hardest time pulling away from Chan, he would not let go of his body.

 

“Took you long enough,” Felix rolled his eyes, already in the passenger seat of the van. Woojin responded with a scoff, knowing that Felix has seen a sleepy Chan first hand. He’s clingy for sure, but add drowsiness and maybe alcohol, no one will be able to leave his vice grip. And Jisung? Sleeps like a log

 

Anyway, the four of them make their way to the location Jay had given them: Jung-Gu, right near the docking area is. The finish line? All the way to Gupo-Dong, placed on the other side of two mountains.

 

As they pull up, Jay is patiently waiting on the side of the road. Big, giant crowds are bundled across the once empty sidewalks, loud as they can be. There’s most likely another crowd at the finish line, Felix presumes. So before he steps out, his signature mask comes on and there he is, being greeted by the screams of fans and an impressed Jay.

 

“ _This_ is how races are? This is… amazing!” Jeongin exclaims, jumping in his place. Yedam coos from behind him, completely forgetting that this is Jeongin’s first ever experience with a real street race.

 

His thoughts are interrupted by a deep voice, presumably Felix’s. “Yedam, get the car out would you? I know I said I’m not going to let you drive but I have matters to with Jay.”

 

The younger nods, catching the keys that Woojin has thrown to him. “Scratch that car, and I’ll run you over with it kid,” laughs the elder, “and Jeongin, put this headset on so you can talk Felix through this race. He’s counting on you, _Felix needs to win this_.”

 

“I won’t disappoint hyung, I promise.”

  
  


“Ready Jeongin-ah?” smirked the racer.

 

“ _Ready as I’ll ever be hyung._ ”

 

“Great.”

 

Unlike the last race, Felix isn’t very much nervous as he was before. He shouldn’t be or else that’ll just make the race just a little more, difficult. He could already smell the of tire burn as he and his opponent next to him inch ever so slightly towards the startline. All sound is blocked out of his ears, they become hollow screams just so he could focus solely on the road and the road only. His engine revs over and over again in anticipation. The fingers of his hands grasping and gripping the wheel like it was the only source of life he has to keep him going.

 

Then Jay steps between the two cars, a gun in his hand. It still amazes Felix that Jay still has the guts to step out in public after that miserable accident that practically ruined his career in street racing. But the blonde knows that with him still named under his list, it isn’t long until other races are asking for a signing. Anyway, Jay raises the gun in his hand to the sky, pointing straight at the glistening moon above him. The tension stringing the air vibrates with every movement the elder makes.

 

And then he does _it_.

 

In seconds, the two cars speed passed the Jay, with the roar of a lion and well, a Hellcat. Felix is weaving through the empty streets of Busan with a custom made B-body SRT Hellcat. There’s no other car like it, it’s _special_ that way. Under that mask of his, his smirk wavers when his opponent suddenly passes him through an intersection. They’re coming near the first mountain range when heavy rain starts to hit.

 

“Any ideas?”

 

“ _I— I think so_ ,” Jeongin heaves, nervous sweat dripping down his forehead.

 

“Well, what are you waiting for? Tell me?”

 

“ _Okay okay! There’s a left turn about half a mile ahead but.._ ”

 

“But what Jeongin?! We don’t have much time here!” Felix yells as he quietly dodges a couple jay-walking on the street.

 

“ _It leads up the mountain! It’s dangerous, mostly because it’s raining, but it leads straight to Gupo-Dong._ ”

 

“ _Don’t do anything stupid Felix, I swear to god if you die for a fucking race I’ll never forgive myself._ ” Woojin seethes through his own earpiece.

 

Felix can see it, the turn. He watches as the enemy completely passes it, quite certain of his own route. So, the racer makes a rash decision (like he always does) and takes a sharp left onto the dirt path that barely held his car on its wheels. It’s barely smooth enough for the tires not to slip, but there is mud rushing past them.

 

The road is windier than he had hopes for. One false move and this car is spinning down the mountain horizontally. The adrenaline through Felix’s veins seep out in forms of heavy breaths, cold sweat, and maybe a glint of red in his eyes. He yearns for the feeling of winning, and that’s the only thing stuck in his mind as he finally reaches the end of the mountain. The finish line is right in front of him and as he breaks the bright neon red string, does he remember what it felt like to win _every single race_.

 

His car skids to a stop, already jumping out of the thing scream and cheer. A few seconds later, his opponent finishes. They shake hands, him congratulating the other with a hug and a “I raced against a master today, thanks for the opportunity”. Sappy, Felix thinks as he pulls away. Not even a moment right after, two body run into his body with bouts of laughter. He looks down to see Jeongin and Yedam grinning like little kids, Woojin hyung not far behind. They all share a big hug before Jay coughs in front of them  


“I gotta say Glitch, that was some race. Dangerous and fun, just how I like it,” Jay smirks, “anyway, here is your cut, I keep you posted on the next race that comes up. Until then, don’t break yourself, I need you to win a few more races for me.”

 

Felix snatches the envelope out of Jay’s hand, almost crushing it in the process. “Sorry about the sudden cancelation on Guk, realized I didn’t need him after all.”

 

_I wouldn't have been able to do this without Jeongin. I can pay of Chaewon’s tuition, for at least this month._

 

“Yeah, don’t mention it. He was pretty bummed that he couldn’t work with you but hey, there are other races in the future. Anyway, gotta take my leave because that guy over there is giving me the creeps with his stare and I will literally beat the shit out of him if he doesn’t stop.” With that, Jay turns around and walks away, his own cut of money in hand.

 

_Guy?_

 

“So, do any of you want to tell me why the hell I just saw Felix— Oh wait, I’m sorry, I mean _Glitch_ racing my cousin?”

 

“Fuck me—“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! It’s a bit longer than the other chapters so yeah


	8. 163 Pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few of Felix's secrets had bee spilled to make their new member stay quiet.

“Does Chaewon know that you’re even doing this Felix?” 

 

Felix turns his head to the floor, his hands awkwardly rubbing together. The five of them had decided to head back to the hotel first, then talk it out. To say that Jisung was angry was beyond what the others had expected. He was furious, even more so that Woojin, Jeongin,  _ and _ Yedam had all known of this and did absolutely did nothing about it.

 

“I can’t tell Chaewon. If I do, she will never let me out of the house again. She would probably not let me be friends with Woojin hyung and Jeongin. Yedam would get kicked out. Hell Jisung, she probably won’t like you either after this, even if you were the one who tells her.”

 

Jisung stays silent for a second, sitting on a chair near the open window. He really doesn’t understand the situation. “Why though? Why do you have to do such dangerous things?”

 

“Money is tight right now, and I can’t get a job so, this is really all I can do for now until I find something else.”

 

“Why don’t you just work for the cafe down the street of your house?” Jisung suggests, but Felix immediately shakes his head. Jisung is not only angry, but highly confused. Why can’t Felix just get a simple job instead of doing this bullshit?

 

“Jisung,” the eldest of them begins, sitting right next to the other and looking straight into his eyes,” Felix can’t get a job right now because he has a criminal record.”

 

The squirrel’s eyes widened like saucers, along with Jeongin who was sitting next to Felix. He looked at the blonde with horror in his eyes, but his arms around him never left. Jeongin then looks at Yedam, who in turn looks away in guilt. He knows too?

 

“Something… happened when Felix was younger and it didn’t work out as well as he had thought. It was an accident, a complete and utter accident on Felix’s part but, he was still charged. Charged for good reason but— Anyway, he was charged with Attempted Murder Jisung. It’s permanently on his record now. There is a very low chance that Felix can get a normal job because of this. I hope you understand that street racing is really all he can do as of right now. Please just, don’t tell anyone.”

 

The look that Jisung gave had made Felix burst into tears. He buried his head into his hands as the wetness invaded his senses. All his emotions filled the soft sobs that escaped his lips. The blonde had always felt guilt run through his veins whenever he recalls those memories of his old racing days. The guilt, the sadness, the regret, it all ate at him every single day for months. It’s only now that Felix figures out that he never really got over what had happened.

 

_ I hate this. I hate this so much. _

 

It’s only when Felix’s cries die down that Jisung speaks up. “Okay..”

 

The blonde’s head shoots up,” Okay?”

 

“I won’t tell anyone, but just promise me that you won’t do anything that will get you killed okay? Felix, you are my  _ best _ friend and it hurts me that you’re doing this type of shit behind everyone’s back. But… if this is really what needs to be done, I won’t tell anybody. Just know I still love you like I always have.”

 

Jisung pulls Felix into a tight hug, patting gently on the other’s back. Felix response lightly, holding him tightly around his waist. During this, Yedam decides that he and Jeongin should take their leave. He takes Jeongin’s hand in his and walks out the door on their way to their own room. Woojin is not far behind them, looking once more at the two hugging boys before quietly closing the door behind him. The elder really hopes Chan hasn’t woken up yet. 

 

When the two pull away, they decide to go to bed. In silence, Felix and Jisung change into pajamas and slip into their respective bed. They look at each other, smiling at the awkwardness in the air. Before Jisung falls into deep slumber, he hears the other say something.

 

“You’re gonna have to explain your cousin to me and others too, y’know?”

 

Jisung giggles, “I will, in the morning”

 

The soft sound of Felix’s yawns leads the other to sleep as well. For that night, the blonde slept well. It’s been a long time since his last good sleep. He hopes everything will turn out fine in the end.

  
  
  


“Wakey wakey children!” A loud Bang Chan bursts into their room with a sleepy looking Woojin by his side. Woojin is of no help though, as he had climbed into the opposite side of Jisung’s bed, pulling the younger closer to him for worth. 

 

Chan did not look happy, “Yah, you’re supposed to be my boyfriend. Why are you climbing into Jisung’s bed?”

 

“Not when you wake me up at eight am,” Woojin says groggily.

 

He shakes his head, now turning to the other australian in the room. Felix is still soundly asleep, light snores echoing through the brightly lit room. He coos at the younger before throwing his entire body onto his poor unknowing dongsaeng. Felix groans in pain as the sudden weight crushes his being.

“What the fuck hyung,” he croaks out.

 

“Get the hell up, we still have a whole day before coming back to Seoul in the afternoon. Time for breakie Lix.”

 

Felix sighs with great sorrow. He knows Chan will not leave until he is out of bed and ready to get breakfast. Today is going to be a long day for everyone. And then he remembers Jeongin saying something about breakfast with his family. Only then does he jump out of bed and into the shower.

 

“I’m glad someone remembered about breakfast with Jeongin’s family.”

 

“We’re having breakfast with Jeongin’s family?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how did y'all feel when you found out Felix was charged with attempted murder? Surprised?
> 
> Hehehe, this story is getting good :D Hope you liked it!


	9. 163 Pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get a little heavy.

They had come home at about six pm. The sun was on its way down, making Felix and Yedam shine like no other when stepping out of Chan’s van. The two had grabbed their stuff before waving goodbye to their mates. Only after they had seen Jisung stick his head out of that moving vehicle yelling “ _ Long live the Glitch!”  _ did they start to head inside. Once in the house, Yedam makes his way to his own room, which was the used to be guest room, leaving Felix to his own things. The blonde basically drops his bags on the floor at the foot of his bed before collapsing onto the soft mattress.

 

_ Woojin hyung, Jeongin, Yedam, and now Jisung. I don’t know where to draw the line. Once Chris finds out, I’m really done for. _

 

A sudden knock on his door had pulled Felix away from his thoughts. He sat up to the door creaking open and his little sister’s face appearing behind it. Worry begin to flood the room, anxiety harboring the factor even more. Chaewon was early, way too early. There was no time to hide his things, his packed bags. She was supposed to come back at around eight thirty, so why is she here now?

 

“C-Chaewon, you’re here earlier than usual. Did anything happen at camp that made you want to come home early?” Felix stuttured, a bit of sweat forming on his forehead. 

 

Chaewon shook her head while stepping into her older brother’s room, closing the door behind her. She sat next to him, right at the edge. They sat in silence for a good ten seconds before a tiny peep was heard from the younger. “I was, thinking while at the camp.”

 

“Okay?”

 

“I just wanted to ask you why you kept me in private school when you go to public school. I get that this school is amazing for my record and it has the dance program I really wanted to do, but is really worth it? Felix, tuition is twelve thousand dollars per trimester and two hundred a month for my dance curriculum. That doesn’t even include all things we have to get for our performances. I don’t you want you to suffer so much because of me.”

 

Felix sighs, swiping his hand through his blonde locks, “Chaewon, I can handle it. Trust me, you don’t have to worry about us and financial problems. Just keep studying, because if you can’t succeed, I am going to hate myself even more. What kind of brother am I if I can’t support my only family. So, please don’t worry about it. Oppa can handle it, I’m sure of it.”

 

“Ew, never say oppa again okay? That’s freaking weird,” she laughs, trying to bring the mood up a bit more. Felix is glad that she did because he does not want to talk about this any longer. Chaewon bids him good night before getting up and going to her own bedroom to sleep.

 

When Felix lays down, he starts to think what life would be like if he was never introduced to racing at all. If he hadn’t been so keen on making fast cash, maybe he wouldn’t have met Jay. He was one stupid kid to be fairly honest. Racing had taken over his life. There were races at least twice a week, and he would go to every single one of them and compete. Never had he lost. No one could beat him. It made Felix feel great, feel  _ alive _ . But now, racing just seems like a chore. How could anyone do this? A thirteen year old boy for that matter. It was naive of him to think that racing could get him to the top, when all it did was bring him straight back to the bottom. 

 

Felix just couldn’t understand himself. Why had he done those things? To those  _ people _ ?...

  
  
  
  


Felix slumps into class next morning, head hung low and body sluggish. Jisung thought none of it since he assume that it is because of the recent race he went through. Though, Seungmin nor Hyungjin buys it. They find it odd, Felix is almost never like this but now he’s almost always like this. It’s been happening for weeks but they just don’t understand. Jisung tells them to just shrug it off, saying something about staying up all night to do last minute homework he had forgotten to do. They thankfully bought it and kept silent throughout their classes, up until lunch time.

 

It’s during lunch that Felix gets another test from Jay. He tries his best to discreetly pull out his phone and read it. “ _ Next race; Han River Bridge, Friday, 11pm. Money goes for 22000. Not very complex, just a straight away on the bridge. I guess it’s a drag race. _ ” The blonde texts him back with confirmation that he’s in. When he looks up, Felix makes eye contact with everyone now involved in this whole ordeal, Jisung included.

 

“What is it?” Jisung asks, them now at Woojin’s mountain home. They had all decided to come here for a little meeting after school. Chris was a little weary, and Minho was a bit offended for not being invited but other than that, no questions were asked.

 

“Jay texted me at lunch today. He told me about the next race he signed me up for,” said Felix, through gritted teeth, “but it’s a drag race, and I have never in my entire life have done a drag race. Ever.”

 

Woojin cocks his head to the side, “Where is it located?”

 

“It’s gonna go straight through the Han River Bridge. It should be over in a few seconds but.. Y’know, I don’t have that type of experience.”

 

“So what are you going to do then?”

 

“I don’t know Yedam.”

 

“Maybe I can help?” Jisung says, raising his hand. Everyone looks at him confused. “Er well, you all know that my cousin is also a street racer and stuff, but he’s been in more drag races than actual street races. He taught me some things about it that might be able to help you but you’re going to have to practice a lot. We’re also going to have to modify the car you’re going to us. I’m assuming none of Woojin’s cars has a built in parachute?”

 

“Yeah no, none of my cars have that. Not that I know of at least.”

 

Jeongin is the next to speak up, “So, when is it going to be?”

 

“Says here that it’s on Friday, eleven pm sharp.”

 

“Alright then, let’s prepare for that shit show,” Woojin sighs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to update last week but I had a big performance to practice for so I couldn't, but now it's over and done with! I'm also on spring break but I don't know if I'll still be able to update. Sorry y'all :(
> 
> SELF-PROMO: I am writing a Jaeyong book on Wattpad called "Boyfriend" would you please check it out? I update that every two to three days or so.


	10. 163 Pt.3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remembering the good ol' times

“Woah, what is this place?” Jisung awes, mouth hung low as his eyes breathe in their surroundings. They’re somewhere in the mountains. More so hills rather than mountains. There are obvious dirt roads with old tire streaks still heavily pressed in. Going through a forest had scared Jisung at first, but now he’s just amazed. It looked like it had been dug out recently due to rainy weather. It’s nice to see such an old race track still being intact.

 

Felix parked them at the top of a flattened hill. It was clear that the hill had been leveled out on its tip by big machinery. There was even an old  Excavator and Loader near where they had parked. From Jisung’s perspective, this would be the perfect place for a party or a place to watch the sunset from. The hill was dead center while the other hills surrounded them. There’s a clear image of the ocean many miles away. It’s so,  _ pulchritudinous _ . 

 

“I used to train and hang out here, with my dad. We would always sneak out whenever he had a day off and ride the dirt roads from here to the beach over there. I’ve been coming back since I started racing again, never really remembered how beautiful this place can be in the daylight,” said Felix, a certain sadness in tone emitting through his words.

 

_ Or maybe I didn’t  _ want _ to remember. _

 

Jisung was awestruck at his best friend’s words. “Wow… I just, I don’t know what to say or how to respond. Sorry…”

 

“It’s fine, no need to worry about it. Anyway, I just wanted to show the view before heading to the straight away in the valley in front of us. We should head down now.”

 

Jisung quietly followed his blonde friend with down the hill they were on. He was surprised to see two large containers placed next to each other. The ones people put on boats type of containers. Felix pulls at the lock, though with a bit of trouble, he unlocks it and opens both doors to reveal a car. The blonde grabs keys that hung on the door and headed inside to drive it out in all its glory. 

 

It shined as Felix drove it out, amazing the hell out of Jisung. It was a Ford Mustang, sleek dark red with a thick black line running down its middle. Just for the fun of it, Felix hit the breaks and revved the engine. It made Jisung jump back a bit but they both had laughed it off right after. 

 

“I know I know, you haven’t seen it in forever,” Felix laughed, stepping out of the beautiful car, “I haven’t either. I mean, I clean it every few months but damn, I miss riding this so much.”

 

“I haven’t seen it since your dad, y’know…”

 

_ Yeah, I know. _

 

Felix turns to Jisung with a forced smile, “Let’s start yeah?”

 

Jisung could tell how forced his expression was. He could see the utter sadness in his eyes when looking at him. Felix missed his parents so much, and Jisung just feels bad for bringing things up that could bring back the pain he felt. But for his best friend’s sake, he’s going to let it slide and ignore what just happened. It’s time for a little lesson on the art of Drag Racing.

 

“For one, we need to go to the shop, or at least back to Woojin hyung’s place. You need to switch up your tires. I know your dad used this to do his races and all but I doubt he had those tires,” Jisung points out immediately. 

 

“Yeah, he would switch them out so we could go on the road. Anyway, we should go head to Woojin hyung’s place now.”

 

The two hop into the mustang before Jisung realizes something. “Wait, what about your car up the hill? Are you just gonna leave it there?”

 

Felix nods, “No one goes here anymore, not after I stopped coming.”

 

This place used to be bustling with racers from all over Korea. Felix would always be one of the first to come and the last to leave. He remembers all his old friends making bets, drinking alcohol, and driving like idiots around these hills. This used to be a hotspot for illegal racers at night. During the day though, it was the real people, real racers. Those were times Felix and his dad would be here and bond over the new cars that would always pass through from time to time. That was then though, no one has stepped foot in this area after Felix’s incident.

 

_ I missed how busy this place used to be _ .

  
  
  
  


They arrive at Woojin’s house quite fast, as the training area was way out of town. They past the main house and head straight to where the Garage is, knowing full well that Woojin is in there, working away with his babies. Pulling in, they see the doors already pulled open. Once driving in, Felix honks the horn, which is given a loud bang in return. Woojin comes out with a wrench in his hand and an angry look on his face.

 

“Next time you head in here, hey Jisung, text me before hand so I know not to stick my head under an engine okay! Fuck Felix, I hit my head very hard,” Woojin said while rubbing the back of his head where it ached.

 

“Sorry hyung, won’t happen again! I can assure you that!” 

 

“Um, when did you get this whole thing hyung?” Jisung asks, very confused.

 

Woojin blinks, “I forgot that you don’t know about this place. It’s been since my dad bought my house up the mountain. That’s why you only one car in the driveway at all times. I would show you around but it seems like you guys need something. Ford Mustang?”

 

“Yeah, we need a few adjusts as said by Jisung himself.”

 

“Okay, what do you need?”

 

Jisung sighs, “Well, you’re going to have to replace the wheels with Slicks, add parachutes if you don’t have them but if it does, I recommend replacing them, and then check the entire car for anything that needs work on or replacement.”

 

Woojin nods,” I could do that, but it’ll take me a while. A few hours at most since I gotta order slicks and parachutes. I also have to figure out how to integrate them into the vehicle.”

 

“Don’t worry about that, there’s already a parachute mechanism, you just find it because I don’t really remember where it is.”   
  


Woojin nods, telling the kids to find something to do while he works on the car. Felix and Jisung decide to steal another of Woojin’s cars, one of his Audi’s, and cruise around the city. They even pick up Yedam and Jeongin on the way to the beach. It’s only fair when Felix is actually letting someone touch his dad’s car after all these years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried my best. Hope you like!
> 
> SELF-PROMO: Please check out my Jaeyong ff on wattpad called "Boyfriend" <3333


	11. 163 Pt.4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wait, what’s Woojin’s ex here?

“Wow hyung, you look great!” Jisung stifled a laugh through his fingers. Upon arriving with Felix, they walk in the garage to see their hyung utterly covered in black stains, most likely from motor oil and dust. He looked like he ran through an oil field for a good ten minutes. Woojin responded and an eye roll, through his dirty cloth to Jisung, who in turn jump away like the scared squirrel he is.

 

“Thanks Jisung, wouldn’t want you looking like me now would we?” threatened the elder, another stained rag in blackened hand.

 

“No hyung! Of course not hyung!”

 

“Good! Anyway, I finished what you guys asked for: new wheels, new ‘chutes, and maybe a little more. The engine had a dead rat in it that horrified, I had to get someone else to do it. Changed the oil and water tanks, a few rusty pipes, and I even put a sticker on the windshield. Look how cute the corgi is!”

 

Felix laughed at his hyung’s on-going rant about his dad’s car. It really him realize how much Woojin just adores cars, maybe even more than Chan adores him. But right then and there, Felix found a part of his speech a little odd. Someone else was in here? “Wait hyung, you made someone else get the rat out? Who? I thought no one else knows about this place except everyone who knows I race?”

 

Woojin scratched the back of his head guiltily, “Yeah about that… someone else knows about this place, but I doubt you guys know him. He’s from a different school. His name is Kim Jungwoo, from SM High.”

 

“And how do you know this ‘Jungwoo’ guy?” Jisung questions.

 

“That’s because we used to date,” a guy says, suddenly coming out from behind a few cars. “Sorry I wasn’t here to greet you two, I was in the bathroom the whole time. And before you say anything, yes, I know what’s happening. Woojin filled me in on a few things before I touched anything I shouldn’t.”

 

Felix’s jaw dropped to the floor while Jisung dropped to the ground. So this guy is Woojin’s ex-boyfriend?  _ And _ they still keep in touch? Felix wonders if Chan knows this. That would be a great reaction to watch. Anyway, Jungwoo reaches his hand out for a hand shake, which both Jisung and Felix happily accept, though still with a little awkwardness. “So… does Chan hyung know that you still talk to your ex? No offense to you Jungwoo but--”

 

“Um,” Woojin starts, “not really actually. I haven’t told him that. It’s only because Jungwoo and I just recently got back in touch. Don’t worry, Jungwoo here has a boyfriend, which I would love to meet by the way.” 

 

“Of course hyung! Let’s go on a double date sometime, so we could catch up!”

 

An awkward silence appears after Woojin nods in agreement. 

 

“So…. the car is ready right?”

  
  
  
  
  


The night of the race, Felix is sweating his balls off. He can’t help but feel nervous because this isn’t something he’s really used to doing. Street racing is what he does and is good at it, drag racing on the other hand, that’s a whole other picture. Sure, it seems easier than the normal race with hard twists and turns but it could be as hard as the racing Felix loves. Yedam tries to calm him down with an ice cream cone he got down the street. The younger giggles as he watches Felix practically inhale the sweet dessert. Jeongin. Jisung, Woojin, and even Jungwoo are a few feet away from them, getting ready to see the speedy action about to be displayed.

 

“You got this hyung, just remember what Jisung hyung taught you!” Yedam says while pulling a fist up in encouragement. Felix smiles before beckoning him to where the others are. The racers are called to their spots the second after, making the blonde run towards his modified car. Once he’s strapped in, he takes a deep breath.

 

_ Deep breaths Lix, take deep breaths. Just calm down and remember all the tips.  _

 

As Felix drives up to the staging, he revs his wheels just a little so no dirt is sticking to them. His eyes scan the bridge, it may have been raining the past few weeks but it seems dry, though it is night time, so he can’t really get a good look. He just hopes his side of the lane is not wet. He then switches his concentration toward the makeshift lights to his left side. Three yellow bulbs, then a single green, and a red right under it. With hands tightly gripping the wheel, he looks to his competitors car. He can’t really get a good look because he too has a mask on, Felix can tell whoever this guy is, isn’t new to this sort of thing. 

 

The first yellow singles, then the second. The third yellow blinks for a second before continuing to green and the racers are off. Felix gradually picks up speed, having a two second lead from the start. Good reaction time he guesses. He reaches about one hundred and sixty-two miles per hour before he sees something strange. Someone is on the side of is lane with a bucket and--

 

_ Oh no _ .

 

By the time his car reaches the speed of one hundred and sixty-three, the bucket of water is secretly spilled over and onto his lane. His tires give out then, slipping and sliding from left to right for a good second before his opponent speeds past him and crosses the finish line. Felix takes a suddenly right turn where he breaks and skids to a stop only two feet away from the ending point. He is quick to get out and rush straight to the cheating prick.

 

“You fucking bitch made one of your henchmen spill water in my fucking lane!” Felix yelled, suddenly lunging at the person, who in turn screams.

 

The racer is forcibly pulled off of the cheater by Jay and Woojin, both struggling to keep Felix in their grip. “You little fucking pussy was too scared to get beaten by me so you had to cheat huh? Huh?!”

 

“Felix calm down!”

 

“Fuck no! He cheated, I should’ve won this race! That little piece of shit doesn’t deserve anything.”

 

The man scoff, “How can you proved that? Look, your lane is dry. I didn’t do shit.”

 

Felix was going to lunge at him again before Jungwoo, Yedam, and even Jeongin stood in front of him. “Felix stop, you have to calm down first. I’m sure someone caught it on video, because I saw it too.” Jungwoo tried to reason with the other, both Yedam and Jeongin nodding with understanding.

 

“Someone had  _ had _ to got that on tape. Step forward with it or else I’ll beat the living hell out of you if I found out you didn’t,” Jay said to everyone, knowing full well Felix was right because who would lie about that? Especially with the reaction he got. 

 

There was a moment of silence before the man scoffed again, stifling a laugh through his lips. He crosses his arms and repeats himself, “No proof man, that means I win.” A smirk fine on his face. Oh how much Felix wants to punch the living shit out of this cocky dude. 

 

“No, Glitch wins, because I have proof,” someone from the back of the crowd says. Everyone makes way for him and once he’s in full view, he throws someone onto the ground. “This dumbass really had the audacity to try and post himself kicking that bucket of water on Snapchat. It’s sad really, how much people would do just to get a portion of fame.”

 

Jisung eyes widened in horror, “H-Hyunjin?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I’ve wanted to make a Woochan fic where Chan gets jealous bcuz Woojin still talks to Jungwoo. Maybe I’ll actually do it
> 
> Anyways~ I hoped you liked it! Feedback is greatly appreciated:3


	12. 191 Pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyunjin and Felix have a deep talk ft. Cuddles

Hyunjin awkwardly sat on the couch while Felix leaned against his kitchen counter with a cup of water in his hand. Not long ago, Woojin decided to take himself and Jeongin home for the night, deeming that Felix should be the one to tell him. Jisung was not far behind, muttering a quiet bidding to his two year mates. Yedam was sent to his bedroom, amusingly threatened by the blonde if he was too loud down the hall and woke up Chaewon. This led to the silence between the last two boys. Felix didn’t know how to tell him, or explain to him really. Hyunjin doesn’t know anything about this type of stuff. He was only really there because he wanted a snack from the 7-eleven a few blocks away from the apartment he and his parents live in.

 

People living in that area knew what was happening, besides Hyunjin that is. They were too afraid to say anything because it was a known fact that the person upholding the “quiet” event has connections with the police, so it would be futile to call any officer to the scene and complain. “What were you even doing up Hyunjin?” Felix asked, already tired of the tension in the room. He couldn’t take the suffocation.

 

“There’s a test in a few days so I took the time to study, but then I got hungry so I went down the street to grab a quick snack. Earlier that day, my parents warned me from going outside late at night, saying to just pass if something’s happening, but I suddenly saw a few familiar faces in the crowd and I got interested. Now tell me this Lix, what the  _ hell _ are you doing? With Jeongin and Yedam as well! They’re underclassmen and you take them to one of your little play races?!”

 

Felix shushed him, telling him to keep it down because Chaewon could potentially hear him, “You’re more concerned of me taking the young ones to this event than the actual thing I was competing in? Hyunjin, they came on their own, they wanted to be there so I let them. So, don’t blame me for that when it was their choice, not mine. Besides, Woojin hyung and Jisung was there weren’t they? Even if something happened, they would be safe.”

 

“Okay fine, I won’t be mad at you for taking them if they really went on their own accord. As for you though, why the fuck are you participating?! Hell, I get that people can be interested and watch, that’s why I’m not really mad at Woojin hyung and Jisung, but you… You know all the stories about street racing in Korea Lix, I just want to know why.”

 

With clenched hands around his glass, Felix ponders if he should tell Hyunjin the whole story or the short one. He doesn’t feel like retelling his current situation but it may be what makes Hyunjin trust him in this. His heart is beating again, rapidly shoving blood in places where he needs to be. It was like this with Jeongin and Jisung. The whole idea of integrating more people in this whole mess scares the living shit out of the blonde for reason he doesn’t want to remember. Does he have a choice though?

 

“Recently,” started Felix, with a low tone, “money has been tight. Chaewon’s private school isn’t just a buck or two and I already used the rest of our savings to pay for the last quarter. I know I needed money and this is the only thing that’s available. Hell Jin, I can barely get food in the fridge. Oh and before you say anything, I will not accept anything given to me, it just won’t… make me feel any better since I’m the one at fault in this.”

 

Hyunjin was quiet for a long time after that. Felix doesn’t know whether it’s from shock or disappointment, either way it isn’t making Felix feel any better in this entire cycle of bullshit, lies, and sneaking around. Again, more awkward silence sliced through the two of them. It lasted about two excruciating minutes before Hyunjin began to speak again. “I can ask you anything right? And you won’t get offended,” there was obvious nervousness laced in Hyunjin words but he still let them out.

 

“Well it depends, what’s the question?”

 

“Um, are you… hmmm. You have something on your record huh? Something that prevents you from getting a decent job?”

 

Felix sputters, cup of water long empty, “I don’t, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I think you need sleep bro, this is making you think some weird stuff—”

 

“No Felix,” this time Hyunjin sounds serious and grounded, “You’re that person right? That mysterious street racer that was on the news a long time ago? The police told us that you didn’t want your identity to be revealed, but they also told us that you were given a few, restrictive things.”

 

He pauses before continuing.

 

“Felix, the only jobs I have ever heard of you taking is mechanic jobs, even when other people offer something that pays much more that those. I’m not stupid too, you’re always hella tired and less jumpy during breaks and after school. At first, I thought you were just working graveyard at your job but then Chan tells me you quit your job a few months ago. Then I started to notice the daily outings you and Woojin hyung have. I mean, you even turned down some of our hang outs. I was really worried, for a long time too. But to see you in a car, zooming down the Han River Bridge trying to win against someone that looks way too old for this type of stuff, that’s what really surprises me. Why didn’t you tell us Lix?”

 

“What is there to tell? If you know my entire situation, then everybody would. Then you guys would get involved which I didn’t want at all by the way. Telling you this would make everyone worried and I guess supportive. But that would also mean that you and the group would go watch me race. And you know what happened, the incident that happened years ago. I haven’t let it go, even with all these years, it’s still stuck in my brain, haunting my every thought. The reason I didn’t want to tell you guys is because of what happened last time. My parents found out and suddenly there they were. You know what happens next.”

 

Felix hates himself for crying. He recently noticed how much he’s cried in the last few weeks. It’s unnecessary and quite degrading to be honest. Yes, the past in the past, but sometimes time doesn’t do its job of healing a wound, especially when it's this big. When he realizes there are arms wrapping securely around him, Felix lets out all his emotions and sobs into Hyunjin’s chest. Doing so, Hyunjin whispers apology after apology, a few encouraging words in between them while stroking through Felix’s hair.

 

That night, the two of them slept on the couch together, Felix too emotionally drained to move and Hyunjin, well he’s just lazy. No other words were said after Felix’s explanations and such. No need for things to deepen, at least Hyunjin knew that. When Felix fell asleep in the other’s arms, he couldn’t help but think what really happened that fateful night. But he knows he shouldn’t pry just yet, not when his best friend is like this. Maybe later he will get his answers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, let me explain myself. The reason I haven’t been updating is because I had finals for two weeks. They’re finally done now so I can write and stuff. Updating a day early cuz I feel bad :(
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed! Comments are well appreciated :D


	13. 191 Pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts. Just thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s going to be a lot of thinking in this arc oof.

Hyunjin wakes up first, arms still wrapped around Felix. At first, he looks around very confused but then the memories of last night come flooding in. Then he looks at Felix and immediately notices the soft lines of his tears still staining his cheeks. His hands seem large caressing Felix’s cheeks, almost admiring the little freckles that scatter them. “You’ve been through so much, why can’t you just tell us all?” whispered the taller, not noticing a smaller body lazily walking into the living room.

 

“Hyunjin oppa? What are you doing here?” It was Chaewon, still clad in her pajamas.

 

Hyunjin jumped as a response, though not rough enough to wake the blonde next to him, “Oh Chaewon, you’re awake…”

 

“Yup, so what are you doing here? I don’t remember Felix saying anything about you coming before I went to bed.”

 

“That’s because I didn’t tell him! Um, I couldn’t sleep last night so I decided to walk here. I got here after you went to bed so you didn’t see me, and since I didn’t tell Felix I was coming, he didn't tell you… yeah..”

 

“Well,” she croaked with obvious tiredness, “I’m going to make breakfast now. Feel free to join us if you want. And if you don’t mind, could you wake up Felix and Yedamie? Thanks.” With that, Chaewon walks herself into the kitchen to start on breakfast, knowing well that Hyunjin could also not cook for his life.

 

Now that Chaewon was in the kitchen, Hyunjin relaxed back into the back of the couch. After the while preventing Felix from falling to the very hard ground. This couch is not very big, and is definitely not made for two people to sleep on. Maybe he should buy him a new couch. Anyways, Felix is now slowly waking up, especially after almost falling off of the couch and onto the carpet floor. “W-what time is it? Aw shit, it’s eight. Does that mean we’re late for school Jin? Fuck, we’re late for school.”

 

“Felix no, we are not late for school. It’s saturday. Now get up and let me borrow some clothes so I could shower. Oh and Chaewon is cooking breakfast as we speak.”

 

“Okay great, thank god. I am so fucking tired,” whined the other, face falling into Hyunjin’s chest.

 

Hyunjin just laughs and picks up Felix bridal-style to walk him to his own room. Once there, he throws the blonde straight onto his bed, which he responds with a groan. The taller of the two just shakes his head and picks out a pair of sweatpants and shirt, then heads to the shower down the hall, leaving Felix to his own accords. That’s when he decides to go wake up Yedam.

 

Once everyone was up and ready in the kitchen, the four of them silently ate. Nothing was spoken really. It’s not like it was awkward either. It was just a comfortable breakfast that had a little lackluster conversation.

  
  
  
  
  


“I’m gonna go head out,” Hyunjin said, standing in front of the door. He looks straight at Felix once Chaewon and Yedam move out of the room. “We need to talk.”

 

“We’ve already talked Jin, you know everything so what’s there to talk about?”

 

“I didn’t mean just us, I meant with everyone. Felix, you can’t keep this hidden forever.”

 

Felix sighed, hand gripping the front door, “I know, but I’m going to keep it a secret if that means people are going to get hurt.”

 

“Fine, but we really need to talk, with Woojin hyung and whoever else knows what you’ve been doing. Eventually, you’re going to have to tell everyone, that or they’ll find out on their own.”

 

“Okay fine, we’ll talk. I’ll call Woojin hyung and have everyone meet at his place. Then I’ll pick you up. Does that make you happy?”

 

“Very,” Hyunjin laughs. He pats Felix’s shoulder before coming outside where his mom was waiting for him.

 

When Felix closes the door behind him, he sighs again, deeper this time. He really doesn’t think it matters all that much if he doesn’t tell the others. Yes, they will find out eventually, but there’s also a chance they might not find out at all and Felix could live without knowing he hurt more people than he already has. It’s times like this always makes him yearn for someone he could really rely on with this stuff. Woojin is there yes, but it doesn’t feel the same. Felix really misses his parents during these situations.

 

The blonde shakes his head to rid of the thoughts that were floating in his mind. With one last push, he stumbles into the living room where Yedam and Chaewon are situated on the couch watching reruns of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. He joins them, sitting right in the middle of the two. And to the annoy the both of them even more, he lifts his legs so they’re draped over Chaewon’s and rests his head on Yedam’s lap. The two of them make no attempt to move him so Felix is comfortable for the time being. That’s when he choses to fish his phone out of his pocket and text Woojin, Jeongin, and Jisung.

 

Hyunjin wants all of us to talk

 

WJ - why?

 

JG - I thought you explained it to him

 

I did

 

JS - so what’s the problem?

 

I don’t know, but he won’t stop bugging me about it

 

WJ - he’s only doing it because he’s worried Lix

 

I know I just

Okay maybe we do need a talk

 

WJ - Okay, everyone meet at my house at six pm

 

JS - Got it

 

JG - Okee

 

I’ll tell Yedam later, we’re watching stuff

 

Felix decided to ignore his phone for the rest of the day until their meeting. He really just wants to hang out very comfortable. Putting his phone away, he snuggled his back deeper into the couch making Yedam squirm a little due to the movement. Chaewon laughs at it while hitting her brother’s leg. It’s been a long time since they really sat down and hang out. Especially when Chaewon has school, homework, and practice six days out of the seven days of the week, it’s hard to find time. Sometimes she has practice on Sundays too. This is what she’s been wanting for the past few weeks.

 

“I want ice cream,” Chaewon whined, looking straight at Felix with puppy eyes.

 

He groaned, “I really don’t want to get up and drive. We don’t have any in the freezer do we?”

 

“Nope.” Yedam pointed out.

 

“Ugh,” Felix groaned even louder this time, “Yedam, you drive.”

 

“I thought you said I couldn’t drive until I get my driver’s license hyung.”

“I’ll let this one time slide since I told you too. Anyways, let’s go, traffic hour is almost on.” The three of them jumped up with big smiles on their faces. This is really want life could be huh? Felix didn’t know life could be so simple for him. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y’all liked it!! Please give feed back, it keeps me going.


	14. 191 Pt.3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix gets into the details of the accident

“Tell me, why haven’t you told everyone yet? Are you just going to wait and let them find out by themselves? You of all people should know we don’t keep secrets from each other and here you are, keeping the biggest fucking secret I have every heard. Really Lix, the longer you keep everyone in the dark, the more it’s going to hurt.”

 

“Hyunjin, you don’t get it—“

 

“What do you mean I don’t get it?! Felix, we’ve been through this before. I’m the reason why we made this rule in the first place.”

 

“Hyunjin please, we’ve all forgiven you for what you did. You know that, so let Felix explain himself like we did you,” Woojin tried to reason.

 

Hyunjin was silent for a few seconds. He was angry, annoyed, a little frustrated, but most definitely worried. They’ve been through this already and now it’s happening all over again. It’s his worst fear. But in the end, he nods and locks eyes with his best friend. “I just want to know why.”

 

Felix tries to put up a smile, pained, but still a smile. “I’ve hurt a lot of people back when I was younger, back when racing was my life. I’m sure you remember how much I admired my dad for what he does, did. But my parents weren’t the only ones who suffered the consequences. I’ve seen people get hospitalized because of me and I just don’t want any of you to be in the same situation. The reason I don’t tell anyone is because if I do, there’s a higher potential that you guys would be like that. That is the farthest thing I want from everyone. Hyunjin, you know what happened that night. You know exactly what I did and that, what my stupid younger self did, cost my parents’ lives. I care too much for all of you to do that damn it. I can’t lose anymore people when Chaewon is all I have. If it wasn’t for me, our parents wouldn’t be dead.”

 

The tension in the air thick. No one knew how to respond. The only other person who really knew what happened was Woojin. Whatever was shown on the news, was heavily censored and slightly changed with a little help from Jay. The man only cares for his own reputation, so it wouldn’t be surprised if he had paid the police to say something else.

 

“Felix it wasn’t your fault—“

 

“Yes it was!” screamed the racer. There was so much guilt and sadness that built over time, and this was it. “I became so power hungry that I would do anything just to win. I slammed my own car into his and just before impact, I saw both of parents standing there with so much disappointment in their eyes. It was my fault and no one else’s. And honestly, if it wasn’t for Jay and his past with the cops, I would be sitting in jail under a life sentence. So don’t tell me it isn’t my fault when it obviously was.”

  
  


Woojin said nothing but pull the crying boy into his arms. Felix has been crying a lot this past few days Woojin notices. He knows how traumatizing the event was, Felix didn’t get out of bed for two weeks after it happened. Woojin was the one who kept him and Chaewon healthy and alive during those days. He even let the racer lie about his whereabouts when their friends had asked him where he was the past few weeks. The elder couldn’t imagine how hard it was for the freckled boy he once knew. “It’s okay Lix, you didn’t do anything wrong. It was an accident,” he said while stroking his hair.

 

Jeongin joined the hug a few moments later. He has only seen his hyung cry a few times, it’s a rare event to behold. And every time, he himself had begone crying too. This was no different. The tears that stained both of their cheeks were full of sorrows and guilt. Hyunjin joined as well, wrapping his long arms around the other three. He whispered comforting words in Felix’s ear in an attempt to make him less emotional. He doesn’t know if it’s working but it’s worth a try right? Anyway, Yedam was left to comfort both Jeongin and Felix from the outside. It was times like these where he felt most close to everyone and not like an outsider. 

 

“I’m sorry Lix, I didn’t know that that happened, I only knew what the news and police told everyone. I’m sorry I brought such traumatic events back up. It wasn’t a great thing for me to do, especially when it hurts you so much. I’m so sorry Felix, please stop crying,” Hyunjin whispered.

 

He looked at Woojin and silently asked him to give him and the blonde a moment alone. Woojin nodded, pulling both Yedam and Jeongin into the kitchen so they could get some snacks. This gave Hyunjin the opportunity to engulf Felix in his warm arms. All he could right now is say sorry and hope that Felix forgives him for what he did. “You’re going to be okay Lix. You don’t have to tell anyone else, but eventually, it’s going to get found out. I’ll be there with you if it ever does, okay? You have me, Woojin hyung, Jeongin, and Yedam to help you out if that time really comes.”

 

“I…” it was a mere whisper. Felix was slightly calmed down, at least enough to have coherent words. “I know I shouldn’t keep secrets but this is just, too dangerous. I’m worried that more people will get hurt because of me and I don’t want that.”

 

“No one is going to get hurt Felix, you are not that type of person anymore. That was your old self, this is your new self. And I know the new Felix will never hurt a damn fly in his entire life.” Felix chuckled, burying his head into Hyunjin’s chest as a thank you.

 

“I’ll think about it, about telling everyone that is. Maybe after this race I’ll cough up all the lies.”

 

“Okay.”

 

\--

 

“ _ Next race; Itaewon, Tuesday, Midnight. It’s going for the same amount as last time. I’ll send you the details tomorrow night. Get your training on, this one is going to windy. _ ”

 

This race, after this race and Felix will come clean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment your reaction! I would love to see them hehe. Anyways, a special chapter in a few weeks? Probably. Though, don't expect it to be all rainbows and butterflies.
> 
> Also, I'm starting to ship Hyunlix instead of Changlix oops. But I'm going to keep the original couples here cause I can :P


	15. 191 Pt.4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Car: SRT Hellcat Charger  
> Color: Dark blue w/ black stripes down the middle  
> Horsepower: 717  
> Speed: 327 km/h (203 mph)  
> Owner: Woojin Kim

Usually, Felix isn’t like this. He isn’t supposed to be this nervous. The air in his car is suddenly getting thinner and thinner. The memories keep flashing through his eyes and he doesn’t know what to do. “Calm down Felix. It’s okay. Nothing is going to happen tonight. Everything will be fine, everyone is going to come out okay.” He kept telling himself that everything would be fine, but there’s still this urking feeling he has being back here again.

 

A knock on his window made him jump out of his thoughts, literally. As the window rolled down, a few familiar faces were standing next to him. Jay was there, Hyunjin standing right behind him. “I… I know what you’re feeling Lix and I’m sorry for not noticing. Look, I don’t usually act this nice to my clients but you’re the only one who really needs it. Step out of the car and follow me, we’re going to talk.”

 

Felix wordlessly nods and does exactly what Jay told him to do. Him and Hyunjin follow the elder to a secluded area behind a parked truck. By then, Hyunlin could tell Felix was beyond nervous. The younger looked as if he saw a ghost, his skin pale and glistening with sweat. It’s clear to him what the cause is but he lets Jaebeom do all the talking. 

 

“I don’t apologize often but when I do, I mean it. I’m sorry I didn’t notice  _ where _ this race was actually being held. Felix, if you want to drop out, you can. This time, I’m not stopping you because it’s not your fault, it’s mine. I know how that night went, and how it scarred you so this choice is yours.”

 

“I want to do it,” Felix croaks. There’s an obvious hesitation within his voice that both Jay and Hyunjin don’t like. Hyunjin rests a comforting hand on Felix’s hip, rubbing soothing circles in an attempt to calm the other down. He has seen Felix cry too many times this week.

 

Jay clicks his tongue, “Don’t force yourself, and don’t even try to lie to me. The memories are traumatizing you, that I at least understand. You clearly don’t want to do this. I mean, it’s still your choice but I could see you’re not ready to face your trauma just yet. Just, go home and rest okay? You’re actually making me worried with how you’re being right now because I have never seen you like this in all the years I’ve known you. I will drop your name from the roster, just say the words and I’ll do it.”

 

Felix shakes his head “no”. He can’t waste any time when money is due and Chaewon’s recital is due in two weeks time. With a sigh, Jay just nods. He escorts Felix back to his car with a hand on his shoulder, he leaves without a second thought after. Before Felix can roll the window up though, Hyunjin places a hand on the door. “If you really don’t want to do this Lix, you don’t have to. You don’t have to act tough all the time.”

 

“I’m doing it Hyunjin, and you’re not stopping me.” Felix flicks Hyunjin’s hand off the car door and rolls up the window closed. He could see Hyunjin worriedly look at his car in the rearview mirror but he decides to ignore it. Felix isn’t a little boy anymore, and he surely does not want to be treated like one.

  
  
  
  
  


Everyone gathers around the two cars on the start line. Felix could see Hyunjin, Woojin, Jisung, Jeongin, and Yedam at the side lines all cheering for him, though Hyunjin still has this expression on his face that he can't figure out. He quickly shakes his focus onto the road in front of him, gripping the leathered wheel until his fingers turn white. It becomes hot in this mask pretty fast with how much he’s breathing in it.

 

**_You got this Lix, just calm down_ ** **.**

 

A girl practically wearing nothing steps in between them and ready’s a starting gun. It’s points to the night sky, giving a boost of adrenaline to every single body currently there. But for some reason, Felix gets anxiety instead. It really starts to kick in when the gun is fired and the race in on. The longer the two go for, the heavier Felix’s breathes are. And that’s when Felix realized how utterly stupid he was to make such a rash decision. It’s only when he speeds passed a certain street that his heart just completely, stops.

 

His car screeches to a stop, tire marks deep in the concrete. The air around him becomes hot again, hotter actually. Then his breathing starts to uneven with shaky outtakes. He doesn’t hear his friends banging on his window, too distracted by the memories that flood his eyes. The scene just keeps replaying over and over again. It’s as if he was reliving that very day. With choked sobs, tears begin to prickle the corner of his eyes. That’s when Hyunjin has had enough of this. The smashing of a car window breaks through the air and finally, Felix is pulled out of the car and into someone’s arms.

 

“His heart is going one hundred and ninety-one miles per hour. Oh my god, he’s having a panic attack!,” Hyunjin croaks. The grip Felix has on his sweater makes him pull the other tighter, softly petting his hair. Yedam and Jeongin are next to him, also trying to calm the racer down while Woojin and Jisung keep others from crowding him.

 

“I k-killed my p-parents Hyunjin. I- I’m the one who murdered t-them. It’s all my f-fault. Hyunjin, it’s all my fault!” Felix kept repeating those words in between his coughs and sobs. It was as if he was in a nightmare-like trance. Hyunjin tried to comfort him with words that said the exact opposite of what he was saying but the elder doesn’t even know if it’s getting through.

 

Suddenly a car pushes through the crowd, it looks like it could fit all of them in so they hope it’s for them. Luckily, they find Jay in the driver’s seat as he rolls down the window. “Hurry up, get in! We need to take him to a place where there isn’t so much people.”

 

They all help Felix into the car first before loading it up with themselves. All but Woojin is seen driving off as the elder gets into his car that now has a broken window and follows the van. Jay takes them back to Felix’s home. By then, the racer has calmed down a bit but he still had tears silently falling down his pink cheeks. Once they got everyone inside as quietly as possible, everyone began to wait. Jay was in the kitchen though, talking to the host of the race.

 

Jeongin looks worriedly at Felix, “Are… are you okay now hyung?”

 

Felix tries his best to give a smile but what’s the use? They know he isn’t fine so he shouldn’t hide that. He shakes his head, that’s when the younger pulls him into a hug. “You’re okay hyung, everything is going to be okay. It wasn’t your fault Felix, it was an accident.”

 

The racer then shakes his head even harder, “But it wasn’t an accident Jeongin! I should be the one six feet under, with a coffin as my only resting place. It should’ve been me, not them.”

 

“Felix don’t. The accident was an accident and it wasn’t your fault. You were on something, I hope you remember that part. You weren’t in the right mind then, so you had some dumb choices. I can’t bring your parents back, but what I can do, is help you realize that you shouldn’t beat yourself up for something you couldn’t control.” Felix stayed quiet after Woojin scolded him. 

 

“The race is off and no is getting shit,” Jay says while walking in, phone still lit up from the call. He senses the tense air and sighs. “Okay, everyone go home and let Felix cool down a bit. He won’t be driving for a least a week and I can assure you that. I’ll be staying with him for the time being so he won’t do anything stupid like sneak out or whatever. Let’s keep each other updated, I’m counting on you guys to look after him at school.”

 

They all nod and start to get ready to head out. Jeongin leaves first, Yedam going with him just to make sure he gets home safely. Then it was Woojin, who said something just before stepping out of the door. “You really have changed since then Jay. I’ve never expected you to be such a father figure, y’know?” he chuckles.

 

“Shut the fuck up and leave before I beat you Woojin.” Yet, there was a clear smile on the elder’s face.

 

Lastly was Hyunjin. He was reluctant about leaving Felix to himself but with a tight hug and a whispered conversation, he too was out the door. Not before telling the blonde how much he loved him and that it really wasn’t his doing. With that, he was out of the door and in Woojin’s car. The two of them watch from the porch as they see the last of Felix’s friends drive away.

 

“I’m gonna have Yedam sleep with you in your room so I can take up his temporarily.” Jay leads Felix to his room, making sure the window by his bed is practically screwed closed. When Felix is tucked in bed, that’s when he starts to walk out. Before closing the door, he says “They’re right, you know. It was never your fault.”

 

Then the door closes.

 

**_If it wasn’t my fault, then who’s to blame?_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do people still read this? I can’t really tell anymore :/


	16. 223 Pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix finally makes a choice

Felix didn’t go to school for the rest of the week. He would ultimately just sit in bed and think all day. Yedam still slept in his room, talk to him, and even brought him food but that was it. It was due to school and now, after school activities. It was the same with Chaewon, though she visited less often because of her recital coming up in a few weeks. That left Felix with himself. Actually, Jay was lounging in the house as well, but he didn't bother Felix, knowing that he needed time to himself. 

 

His bedroom began to seem so black and white. The sun came up, and then it would come down. Hours would pass like nothing, it was as if he was in some kind of time paradox things like he would see in a few movies he watched back in Australia. Thoughts would wonder a lot, but they would eventually come back full circle. Felix’s past, his parents, the accident, everything just lead to or ended at those moments. Hell, he was honestly starting to think he was going insane with this much time to himself.

 

“I’m going insane,” the racer groaned into his pillow. He shifted so his back was to the ceiling, face turned towards his open room. An arm hung off the side of his bed, swinging back and forth out of sheer lack of use. His eyes lazily looked around the room: a pile of dirty clothes, papers and such littered around the floor. Then there was a glint from somewhere across the room. It was on his shelf, the only area that had a beam of light passing through it. From his position, he could see all the pictures on it, one in particular stood out more than the rest. It was a family picture, more precisely, it was a family  _ and friends _ picture.

 

A little smile appeared on Felix’s face, though weak, but still there. “We looked so happy then. What happened?”

 

“Nothing happened, we’re still happy.”

 

Felix jumped up  from his bed, completely alarmed at the new voice. It was easy to recognize, a lot easier than expected. The blonde cocked his head in confusion, “Hyunjin? What the hell are you doing here, why aren’t you at school?”

 

A laugh echoed outside the door, “I’ll tell you if you let me in or… we could talk through the door if you’re still not comfortable facing the world. It’s okay if you are, the world is scary so I get it, kind of.”

 

“Thanks Jin, I think talking through the door is best. I don’t look my best.” He looks at himself through his full body mirror. Felix thinks he looks like utter shit. There were dark circles under his eyes, and his hair was a mess. There is no way he would face Hyunjin like this, let alone the world.

 

“That’s fine. I just wanted to check up on you, see how you were doing y’know? Everyone has been asking around for you because you’ve never skipped this many days. They’re worried about you Lix, and I am too. Of course, the people who know didn’t say anything and honestly, I’m surprised about that, especially with Yedam. He’s being bombarded the worst, he doesn’t go a single hour without at least three people asking him why you weren’t at school. I’m not telling you this to worry you or anything, but I just thought you needed to know.”

 

Felix was confused, that many people wondered where he was?  **_Why?_ **

 

“Well, that’s uh, surprising at least.”

 

Another laugh. “Yeah, I know. By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask you why you were skipping so suddenly. If it isn’t prying anything, I know I’ve pried a lot these past few days and I don’t know if you’re mad about that.”

 

“I’m not mad Jinnie, not at all. But since you’re asking, I’ve been thinking. A lot more than I probably should have though that’s already too late to change. There are certain events that I don’t want people to know, but for some reason, everytime I try to change it, it all just leads back to the same thing, the same result. I don’t know why. They, whoever they are, is trying to tell me something and I think I’ve found it out.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“I think I’m ready to tell everyone, to come clean and everything. No more secrets, no more lies, just the truth. These past few days really made me think about everyone thoroughly, how they have their own problems and how they treat them. In conclusion, I’m sick of doing this with a weight on my chest. So, I’m telling everyone about me racing, my past, the accident, everything. And I’m gonna spill out all my feelings with it.”

 

“That’s great Lix, I’m proud of you.”

 

Felix freezes in his spot, this was a new voice. Not Jay’s or Hyunjin’s. It was someone older, someone who Felix looks up to as a friend, and as a dance. What was Minho doing here? And was he here all along? That would mean he heard everything of what he said. He can’t tell due to the low lighting but Felix could tell he was began to pale.

 

“M-Minho hyung?”

  
  
  
  
  
  


“So,” Felix grips the cup in his hand and drinks it, “you found out? How?”

 

“I noticed things the others didn’t, I noticed the patterns. It was obvious you were doing something but I couldn’t figure it out until a few days ago. And with that, I realized I wasn’t being honest myself, “ Minho sighed.

 

“What do you mean hyung?” Both Hyunjin and Felix said at the same time.

 

“I’m not supposed to tell anyone because I’m still under contract but I also did a few races, drag races that is. I dumb and I didn’t know what I was getting myself into when I signed that paper. It’s fine though, I stopped after my sixth or seventh race. And I know, quite a shocker, guess the world is that small, huh? Anyway, I had a few suspicions so I made my contractor do a little digging for me. You don’t wanna know how I got this much control over my own boss, just know that angry me isn’t a good me.”

 

“Woah.” Felix was shocked, to say the least. Hyunjin went completely silent, jaw dropped practically to the ground. Jay was there too, leaning against the counter with a cup of coffee in had.

 

“No wonder, I knew I recognized you from someone where.” Minho winked at the elder while Jay responded with a playful laugh. 

 

But that was when Minho turned his attention back to Felix. With a comforting hand on his shoulder, he asked something. “Are you sure about telling everyone about this? They might react differently depending on the person but either way, I know they’ll eventually understand.”

 

“Yeah, two hundred and twenty-three percent.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those commented last chapter really gave me so much motivation. The past few weeks, I haven’t been able to write because of the lack of motivation and with that, it really boosted my confidence in my own writing. Thank you vvv much!! <3
> 
> I hoped you liked it! Comments give me motivation uwu


	17. 223 Pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minho has a little talk with Felix about how he’s going to tell Chaewon. Oh and they have a movie night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dialogue heavy

Minho kept a close eye on the young racer, going as far as to sleep over through the weekend. The others who knew also joined as well, minus Woojin though, said he and Chan were spending the weekend together and couldn’t bring himself to cancel the whole thing they planned. Felix doesn’t mind they’re sleeping over, but it gets a little crowded in his room so they all slept in the living room. Minho made these two days relaxing and fun just so Felix couldn’t let loose. All of them collectively agreed that their blonde friend was absolutely terrified about spilling his secrets, but who wouldn’t be?

 

Anyway, they were all scattered around the living room with blankets, pillows, and lots of snacks. Felix figured that they would have a movie night, it’s only plausible since most of his friends are here. Even Jay was there, sat in the leather recliner with a bag of Sour Patch Kids in his hand. He seemed very content with a quilt on his lap, almost fully reclined. Chaewon finally had time to herself, especially when her recital is this coming saturday. She snuggled up to the right of Jeongin while Yedam was to his left, all sat on the floor with a blanket wrapped around all of them. Felix and Hyunjin took the couch to themselves, all draped over each other. Hyunjin laid on his back at the bottom of the pile with a pillow to his neck, his legs almost touching the other side of the couch. Felix was on top of him, Hyunjin’s chest to his back. Jisung and Minho decided to get the floor as well, just to the right of the young triplets.

 

“What movie are we watching?” Felix asks, stuffing his face with popcorn.

 

“The Fate of the Furious. I haven’t seen it yet and neither has Yedam, so I wanted to watch it. Don’t start complaining when you guys refused to agree on one movie, this is what I chose and this is what we’ll watch.”

 

“Attitude!”

 

“Shut up Felix, you were worse when you were his age.”

 

“No one asked for you opinion Jay!” 

 

“Just saying. A man can’t voice out his own experiences anymore? Damn.”

 

Jeongin rolled his eyes as the movie logos started to show up on screen. He crawled back into his position, grabbing a bag of candy on the way back. The movie continued without say, all too interested to voice any opinions. They watched movie after movie until it was around two am. Felix was the last one to be awake, content on finishing the movie he chose during their second movie. He wanted to sleep, he really did, but he couldn’t. He doesn’t know why. So, he gets up and turns the tv and laptop off. Quiet steps turn silent as they flow to the kitchen. When the door finally stops swinging back and forth, the racer slumps against the counter, hands gripping until the knuckles turn white. 

 

He’s going to tell, he has too.

 

For what felt like hours, Felix voiced different ways to say what exactly he wanted to say but couldn’t bring himself to fully speak it. It was suffocating. He doesn’t know why it’s so hard this time around, he’s been through this with Hyunjin, Jisung, and Jeongin, so what’s the difference with the rest of the friend group? He’s brought back to reality when he hears the fridge door open right next to him.  It’s Minho, casually grabbing a bottle of water at two am, like he is one to judge when Felix has done this frequently.

 

“Oh uh, I thought you were asleep…” 

 

Minho hums, “I was, until I heard you slam the laptop closed. Really Lix, it’s an expensive item, treat it with care.”

 

“Yeah,” he laughs, a hand awkwardly scratching the back of his head.

 

“So,” the elder leans against the counter across from Felix, “what’s up? You seemed to be deep in thought when I walked in, you didn’t even notice me until the last second.”

 

“I’m just… thinking of what to say, y’know, to everyone. And to Chaewon too.” Felix fidgets with his fingers, eyes not leaving the floor as he does so. He hears his hyung sigh before slinging his arm around him, rubbing his shoulder.

 

“I get it. Two different conversations, but you don’t have to think about it so hard. They’ll get it, and if they don’t, you got us to do it for you. This is probably why Hyunjin is sticking to you more than his own boyfriend.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You’ve been doing this alone Lix. Yeah, there are people that know and you can talk to them, but can you really  _ talk _ to them? Like, genuinely, with all the dark details.”

 

Felix shrugs, not really knowing how to reply. “I, I just don’t know. I think I could hold a few details that Chris and the others don’t have to know but with Chaewon, I’m gonna have to tell her everything. I have no choice in that.”

 

“She’ll understand, she knows why you’re doing this. She might make you stop but I don’t think that’ll do it for you.”

 

“How am I supposed to tell her that I’m the one who killed mom and dad? For all these years, she told people that our parents were killed in a car crash, how is she going to react when I say I’m the one who caused it? Minho please, I don’t know what to do.”

 

“Hey hey hey,” Minho pulls the younger into his chest when he realizes Felix is at the brink of another panic attack. His fingers card through the soft tuffs of blonde hair slowly. Hold only tightening when the body in his arms start to shake. “Chaewon is going to forgive you whether you tell her or just hint at it. She’s your sister Lix, the only family you have left, she isn’t going to leave you because you did something dumb in your younger kids. I know this isn’t the type of situation to say that, but really Felix, it was an accident due to being under the influence. I know, Woojin knows, Jay definitely knows. We could help you if you really need that much help with explaining this whole situation.”

 

He feels the racer nod into his shoulder. It’s then that the two jump apart as the sound of rustling behind the kitchen door echoes through the room. Felix runs to the door, opening it, but finding no one. They come back to the living room, where it looks like everyone is still where they were when they fell asleep. All except Yedam. Minho points that bathroom lights are on.

 

“Come on Lix, grab some sleep. You need it.”

 

Felix nods, “Okay.”

 

Minho goes back to his position on the floor with Jisung while Felix heads back to his own room. The blonde stays up just a few more minutes thinking about what Minho said back in the kitchen and for the first time in forever, Felix falls asleep with a smile etched onto his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is absolutely trash. I literally pulled this out of my ass. I have a timeline and everything but I don’t know how to execute it. Ugh, I’m sorry for this, it’s so bad. >~<


	18. 241 Pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The accident in full detail.

They all sat around in Woojin’s living room.  _ All _ of them, nine or none. Jay and Yedam kept close as well, just in case Felix needed a little time out during his talk. When the racer had gone up and asked for everyone to meet at Woojin’s house, the people who knew immediately tensed. The people who didn’t though, thought it was normal and did nothing of it. Once they step foot in the house, it’s then that they realized something was really going to happen today.

 

“So uh, I’m assuming you needed to tell us something Lix?” Chan broke the awkward silence with a laugh, though it was obvious (especially for Woojin) that the elder kept rubbing his sweaty hands together due to nervousness.

 

Felix nodded, “Yeah uh, it’s… really important. And I need everyone to know because we promised no secrets.” He takes a deep breath, the eyes on him not making it any better. But it’s no use, he’s still nervous and utterly  _ terrified _ of their reaction, Changbin especially.

 

“Is it about you being so distant the past few weeks?” It was like a whisper, Felix almost didn’t hear it. When he looked over, Changbin had his eyes to the floor, refusing to look up. It was evident in his face that he feared the worse with Felix.

 

“Yeah, it is.”

 

“Please,” everyone turned to Seungmin surprisingly. He is usually the one who gives no fucks about serious tones, but this time, his voice was laced with worry and anxiousness. He might have gotten it from the way everyone was acting around him. Jisung and Minho kept to themselves. Jeongin couldn’t smile for the life of him, even when Yedam was clutching his hand next to him. Hell, Hyunjin wasn’t even clinging on to someone like he usually would in a normal meetup. “I can tell you told a few of us already, just please, I want to know what’s wrong so I could fix it.”

 

The racer let a dry laugh, “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you sooner. I just felt like it wasn’t the right time to do so, so I didn’t. And I’m also sorry about this Seungmin, but there is no way you could fix it. I’m letting you do anything when I’m the one at fault.”

 

“It must be really serious then,” Chan said with an expression his own boyfriend couldn’t recognize, “please tell us.”

 

Another deep breath.

 

**_You got this Lix, don’t stop now_ **

 

“For the last few weeks I’ve.. been doing a few things because money has been tight. Y’know, with Chaewon’s private school, food, and the bills, all the money that our parents left didn’t last very long. I knew that I could’ve sent Chaewon to study with me, at our school, but I couldn’t bring myself to take her away from her ballet classes. I, of all people, should understand that at least. And you all know how I am, I’m not going to be a charity work like people thought and said I was. So, I brought it upon myself to make enough so I could pay for Chaewon’s tuition and everything else.”

 

“So you got a job, that’s great! I’m glad—“

 

“No Chan, well yes actually, but no. I can’t get a job, a legal one that is. People just won’t hire me anymore after..”

 

“After what Felix,” Seungmin whispered, his facial expression unreadable

 

“Look I…when I was younger, I did a lot of dumb and stupid things. I was naive and childish, all I wanted was fast cash and soon I got addicted to the adrenaline. I know you’re not going to like this when I say it, but please let me finish before you raid me with your opinions.”

 

Felix looks up, scanning the room with heavy eyes. Seungmin nods, Chan as well, though Changbin stays silent. The racer took a longer look at the elder before him. It would hurt, so bad, if his own crush started to hate him for what he did. But in all honesty, Felix wouldn’t blame him if he was. It’s all karma for the accident that he caused.

 

“...I… I went online and searched up a few key words. That’s when I found out about.. street racing in America. I began to watch videos and play games and all that shit. I wanted to do it, and cash was the bonus. My dad never made racing sound fun or exciting. There were too many rules and regulations that teenager Lix was trying to follow. With street racing, it was different. A new kind of sin, or something like that. It was around that time that I started to be rebellious and so, just to tick my dad off, I went and found myself a job, as a street racer. Jay made me into a legend, a racer that couldn’t be beat. It was amazing and I loved every single bit of it, that is, until something happened.

 

I was being reckless at a party and I guess someone slipped something in my drink. I honestly still don’t know till this day but next thing I know, I’m in someone’s car, ready to release the brake. Those drugs really did a number on me because…”

 

Felix choked in a sob. It’s hard, it’s still really hard to think about. He doesn’t even know if he could go on. The trauma is still killing him on the inside. It’s been repeating like a loop through his mind. 

 

Woojin leans into Felix’s space, wiping away the tears with his sleeve. “It’s okay Lix, you don’t have to talk anymore. I can explain the rest, would you like that? It’s okay, please stop crying, I don’t like it when you cry.”

 

There’s an awkward silence while Woojin comforted the young racer. Yedam was to his other side, his arms wrapped around Felix’s waist. He tried his best to show Felix his sympathy. Jay had reached over Yedam to rub circles at the back of his racer’s neck.

 

Then he nodded.

 

Woojin sighs then mutters a quiet agreement. “I didn’t see the start of the race because I was on the other side of the building. Jay was the one who ran up and told me Felix was doing a race all of a sudden. He was either really angry or really distressed, I couldn’t tell because I was already weaving through people like I was the Flash or something. The time that we got there, they were revving the engines and the countdown was beginning. I tried to stop him over comm but Felix wouldn’t answer, too high and or too drunk. I had to watch from the sidelines. While they were gone, someone tapped on my shoulder. I turned around to find Felix’s parents. They weren’t happy, and they started screaming at me for being such a terrible influence and letting their son do these types of things. I didn’t know what to do so I just kept quiet. They yelled for so long that the racers were almost to the finish line.

 

I tried to stop them, even Jay tried to help. We held on to them for god knows how long before Felix’s dad punch the both of to the ground. We didn’t have enough time to get up, only enough to see them run through the crowd a few feet away from the finish line. And what happened next was  _ horrifying _ .”

 

A pause. Woojin too had a traumatic experience with this event, but he had forced himself to accept that it happened so he could comfort Felix the best he could. It worked, obviously, but sometimes his will power just isn’t enough and the entire scene plays out again in slow motion. 

 

“Felix took the steering wheel, and suddenly twisted it so his car could ram into the other one. I’m guessing his plan was to stop the driver so he could win, but it didn’t go as he had expected it to be. The driver’s head swung to the right, then left, straight into the window. He was knocked out cold, but that didn’t mean the car stopped. It kept going… right in the direction of Felix’s parents. I was running towards them, but there were too many people in the way. They tried to move out of the way but people kept pushing in different directions. They-- they didn’t  _ make it _ . The car crashed right into them, killing both of them on impact. It was utter chaos after that, the cops came, people were screaming, and Felix and the other driver were arrested.

 

If you guys saw the news a few years back, then you should know what happened next, but if you didn’t… Well, Felix has a criminal record. Stamped to his name for life, and it’s for, um, attempted murder. He was charged and sent to juvenile prison. I couldn’t do that to him, Felix was too young to be in  _ prison _ . So I went to Jay’s place and begged for him to pay the bail, and luckily, he did. After that, Felix gave up racing and completely changed his life. New name, new persona. The racer named Yongbok, nicknamed The Glitch, was no more until a few weeks back. And before you say anything, yes, I did let him. It was our deal, our pact.”

 

“It may have been your deal, but you didn’t even  _ try _ to resist it. What the actual fuck Woojin?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, today was my first day of school. It will most likely effect my updates. I’m sorry in advanced.
> 
> Hoped you liked it!


	19. 241 Pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He said... what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dialogue heavy!!

~~~~

“Felix is his own  _ person  _ Chris, I don’t have a say in his life choices. I tried to reason with him, so many times, but he didn’t listen. The only thing I could do is at least stay by his side and support him through and through. You out of everyone should know how much I  _ care _ about everyone in this goddamn room. I let him, because I cared enough to see through his perspective!”

“What kind of logic is that?! This shit is dangerous Woojin, and it’s obvious he could be killed doing this. What makes you think you letting him go is validated by this?”

Woojin was shocked, to hear his boyfriend say those things,  _ imply _ something that shouldn’t have been brought up. He turned towards Felix, who was stark, skin pale and eyes empty. Chan hit something, and it wasn’t even a physical thing. With full anger, Woojin got up and pulled Felix along, Jisung and Hyunjin scurrying behind them. Before he left towards his room, Woojin stopped dead in his tracks and twisted his head in the direction of their leaders.

“Get out, of my fucking house,” he said through gritted teeth. After that, Jay immediately got up and ushered everyone out, giving Chan a real push out the door.

Jay and Jeongin watched from the door as Seungmin and Changbin pull an angry, yelling Chan into his car. They drove away like that, their leader’s face still etched with acrimony and disgust. The eldest of the two scoffed before closing the door behind him. He pointed for their youngest to call up the nearest Chinese restaurant to deliver them food. The two nodded diligently, both knowing how much Felix loves jjangmyeon and such. With that, Jay goes to find Hyunjin and Jisung sitting outside what he assumes is Woojin’s room.

He looks at them confusingly, “Why are you guys just standing out here?”

“Well,” Jisung looks away out of awkwardness, “Woojin hyung said he and Felix need to talk alone with just the two of them. So, we got left outside. The walls are thick and I can barely hear through this door so I don’t really know what they’re talking about.”

“It isn’t fair, we should all be helping Felix right now! Especially after what Chan hyung said a while ago.” Hyunjin crosses his arms out of annoyance towards their eldest.

Jay completely understands the two of them, but he also knows about Woojin and Felix. “You two may not know it, but those two in there have been through a lot together. They’ve known each other for a long time and helped with things even you guys don’t know about. I think it’s best we leave those two alone for now. Come on, Yedam and Jeongin are ordering.”

With that, the three of them start to head back downstairs. Hyunjin hesitates just a bit before sighing and joining the rest of their group.

~~~~  
  
  
  
  


“I… I can’t believe he would just, say that type of thing after what I explained to him. I thought, I thought Chan hyung would be accepting but, I guess not,” Felix uttered, sitting at the edge of Woojin’s bed.

He really couldn’t believe the words that left his hyung’s lips. It hurt, excruciatingly so. The thought of it just makes him feel sick. This was a mistake, telling everyone was a mistake, and trusting that people would be fine with it was the greatest mistake he has ever figured out. To think it would go well, Felix was stupid to do so. Of course they would get angry, but to go to this extent? That’s not what he imagined it would be like. It’s happening all over again, and because of the same reasons too. The lies, it breaks them all apart. It happened once, there’s a high possibility it could happen again, and maybe that’s what scares Felix the most.

Woojin sighs as he leans into his white vanity. He’s furious with Chris and how he acted. The way he lashed and pulled on Felix’s emotions, it made him feel so disappointed.

“He went too far. I didn’t think he would, but he did, and I’m sorry that he reacted that way to you Lix. I really didn’t expect him to stoop so low.”

Felix shook his head, “Chan hyung is your boyfriend, not your clone. You don’t have to take responsibility for something he did.”

“I know but, anyone with a right mind could tell and see how his words hurt you after that. He couldn’t, which disappoints me to no extent.”

“Chan just doesn’t understand, he hasn’t been what we’ve been through. I just, I really hope he didn’t mean what he implied. It’s different when people haven’t experienced things that seem so normal to us.”

Woojin shuffled over to the younger and pulled him into a well deserved hug. They stayed like that for what felt like hours, just bathing in each other’s warmth. This hasn’t happened since well, a few years back when it was just the two of them fighting against the world. Just Woojin and Felix, trying to live their best lives. Felix doesn’t know where it started to change, maybe when Changbin began hanging out with them, or when Chan offered a table for them to sit. Sometimes, the blonde misses these days, where he could just let go in front of someone he knows he could absolutely trust.

“Chris will come around sooner or later, I know he will. And when he does, I’ll make him apologize to you over and over again, okay?”

Felix giggles quietly, “Yeah okay. By the way hyung, thank you for getting me out of there. I was too much of a shock to move.”

“No need to thank me, if I didn’t do it, anyone of us that knew beforehand would’ve. Now, let’s go back to the others, I’m sure they’re worried about you too.”

Felix smiles, “Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School has been so hectic omg. It’s literally draining the soul out of me, calc especially. Idk when I can update next but I’ll try my best for y’all
> 
> I hoped you liked it!!


	20. 241 Pt.3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Utter shit :)

“Am I uh, am I allowed to do another race this week?” Felix asks, nervousness pooling at the surface of his stomach.

 

The chinese food just got here, and they barely started eating but Felix had to get this off his chest. He and Chaewon would be leaving early in the morning this Thursday for Chaewon’s recital the following day. As to why they had staged it back in Australia is a mystery to the elder. He needs the extra cash so he could actually see his sister perform in their hometown. The ticket is bought and the hotel is paid for, but bills had come in a bit too soon for Felix’s liking. That left him with about two hundred, not nearly enough when they were staying there for four days. 

 

“What? Don’t you think it’s a little too soon for you to race again? What if something bad happens again, what if you get a panic attack during the race? Damn it Felix, are you really sure about this?” Woojin stared at the younger with eyes full of worry.

 

“I know I’m not okay, alright? But I need the money, badly. I don’t want to disappoint Chaewon.”

 

The room filled with silence as Felix looked around. No one would look at him in the eye, either in anger or concern but with whatever it was, it didn’t help the utter bottomless turning in the racer’s gut. It’s not a great feeling, it never was, yet he keeps putting everyone through this over and over again. This repetitive cycle keeps going, and will only keep going if they continue to do this to him, prevent him.

 

“No,” Jay says while breaking the silence, “I’m not risking anything anymore. You aren’t going to race, never again, and I’m gonna make sure of that.”

 

Felix shot up from his seat, fists curled till his knuckles turned white, “ You can’t do this to me! At least not now, not yet! This is literally the only fucking option I have and yet you’re still trying to keep me away from it. I don’t get it!”

 

“If you really need the money, I have it. We have it.”

 

“I’m not a fucking charity bank, I don’t your money, anyone’s money. I’ve told every single person in this room, repeated it multiple times, that that’s just how I work. If I get an attack in the middle of it, that’s on me, but I’m gonna let my trauma get in the way of my family. Just let me Jay, Woojin, please.”

 

“I said ‘no’ Felix. You’re not--”

 

“I’ll do it.”

 

Everyone turns to Yedam in complete bewilderment. He looks away embarrassed with the sudden attention. The atmosphere tenses more than it really should, Yedam thinks to himself. Even Jeongin is looking at him like he has eight eyes or something. “I mean, if you won’t let Felix hyung race, I can do it right? I’ve raced before anyway, so what’s the big deal.”

 

Jay nods, “Okay, I can do that.”

 

“You let him race but not me?!”   
  


“Yedam hasn’t experienced a traumatic event during racing. He doesn’t have ties to racing like that. He could do it, I know he can. This is the only option I’m giving Felix, don’t mess it up for the both of you.”

 

Felix sighs, but then smirks, “Alright, we can do that.”

 

“Great--”

 

“But I have to be in the car with him, and try to find one abroad, more specifically, in Australia.”

 

“What?!” Both Jisung and Woojin yell at the same time.

 

Jay narrows his eyes towards the younger, not trusting him one bit, but he gives him the benefit of the doubt anyway and agrees to the conditions. Felix smiles happily, going back to eating as if they didn’t all just witness a screaming match between the two. Hopefully, the plan Felix thought up in his head works out perfectly. It’s wouldn’t take much man power, because well, Yedam may be muscular but not as muscular as his senior racer. He’s abruptly brought of his thoughts from the ring of a phone. It’s Woojin, but he scoffs when he looks at whoever the caller is.

 

“Is it Chan?” asks Hyunjin, a hint of annoyance clear in his voice.

 

The elder nods, “He says he wants to see Felix but I don’t know if I want him to.”

 

“It’s Chan hyung, what’s the worse he can do?”

 

“Worse Jisung, worse.”

 

“Hyung,” Felix looks at him wearily, “are you… implying something?”

 

“I’ve seen him fight, hit people, yell and other things. Trust me, it could be dangerous for you Felix, and for the rest of you.”

 

“No, let him see me, I actually want to see what he says. He wouldn’t hurt a friend. Besides, I’m curious, I wanna know. Text him to come back and I’ll talk to him on the front porch outside, but don’t bring anyone else. You guys better stay out of it though, no eavesdropping, especially you Jay.”

 

“Have more faith in me, damn,” Jay pulls a hand to his chest dramatically, “but, if you want us out. We’ll let you guys have that aussie talk of yours.”

 

“Alright, he’s on his way now.” Woojin sighs, putting his phone in his pocket while getting up and began heading towards the stairs. Jay leads everyone else to follow, giving Felix a stern look before completely turning his head back. The racer shakes his head, giving a simple eye roll as a response. That’s when he goes to the front door, where he sits until he sees Chan’s car roll up and park right in front of the main steps. Felix gets up as Chan gets out of the driver’s side. Once the elder was around and actually standing right in front of the other Australian, he engulfs Felix into a tight hug, which was unexpected on Felix’s part.

 

“C-Chan?!”

 

“Changbin and Seungmin talked me out of it. I was going to tell the police but they stopped me. I don’t know why I’m doing this but I guess I’m convinced? It’s only really been two hours since I got dragged out, kind of annoyed that this happened rather quickly but that’s besides the point. I’m here to say sorry for screaming and yelling and stuff. I’m still angry, very much so, but I don’t want to lose you and Woojin because of some fight we had. Thing is though, I need full information or else I will really, do something you won’t like.”

 

“Is that a threat?” Felix asks in an amusing tone of voice.

 

“Take it as you like.”

 

“Well okay. Since you gave me those conditions, I’ll tell you,” Felix smiles, “Yedam and I will be doing a joint race back home in Australia.”

 

Chan blinks, “You’re what?! With Yedam? WHY?!”

 

“Because I have to, and plus, Yedam has raced before anyway. It would help to have the kind of experience I have in the car as well.”

 

“Well fuck.”

 

“If… you wanna come, you could but plane tickets to could be a problem.”

 

Chan sighs, pulling away from Felix, “Yeah well, I can’t do that because I have a big test on Friday but I can send Seungmin to watch you for me. He’s going there anyway.”

 

“Wait what? Why though?”

“It’s something for school, a worldwide project or something. The ticket is paid for already if that makes you feel any better but yeah, he’s gonna be in the area I think. You don’t mind him watching you race right? I’m kind of new to this type of thing you know, so go easy on me.”

 

Felix nods, “Yeah, everyone’s welcome.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry about the writing guys. I’m going through a slump rn and so my mental state is not the best. Forgive me for my shit writing

**Author's Note:**

> Updates will be random due to school and life complications. Sorry for the inconvenience!


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